Immortal Words, Forever Love
by Jenneens
Summary: Edward leaves Bella after her birthday. 75 years later she is in a band called A Beautiful Nightmare where she runs into the Cullens. What will Bella do when the only people she can trust are the ones she truely hates? Better sum inside. Sweet soundtrack!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:**

Edward left Bella because he wanted a better life for her, one that did not include him or his family. And now, Seventy-five years after her transformation, she has the best life she could scrape together for herself. She is a part of a hit rock band, A Beautiful Nightmare, and even has a family of her own. When she by some small miracle or curse, stumbles upon Edward and the rest of the Cullens, will she eventually be able to forgive them for all of their grievous errors? And what about her creator? What will happen when they make a sudden reappearance back in her life? What will Bella do when she needs the people she hates the most? (Rated M for future chapters!)

****Authors note—I'm back everyone! I know it's been a very very long time, and here is my first stab at a Twilight fanfiction! So here is my first chapter to something that has been floating up in my noggin' for a long time. I am so proud of this, and I have chapters already written! So review, and I will get chapters up faster! For any and all pictures, they are included on my profile under Twilight. Cars, houses, people, outfits will all be there for your viewing pleasure. **

_Prologue _

When I was younger, I was no different than any other girl. My mother told me fairytales, where fair maidens and princesses were rescued by their knights in shining armor and princes. As little girls we are to believe that will happen to us one day. A man will come into our lives, and give it meaning and we will love them, and in return they will love us.

Even at a very young age I wasn't swayed by these flowery stories, and declarations of love. I was a product of divorce, and I knew better. However, I was still a girl, with a young girl's heart, and I was still a little susceptible to the charms of love.

That was a long time ago, and I am not a little girl anymore. I have lived a long life, and most of it has been in utter anguish. I am ninety-three years old. Most women my age have much to show for. A husband, children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren. A long and full life lay at our wrinkled feet, and women my age should be able to say, with much certainty, that they have no regrets.

I am not like women my age though. While in years I am ninety-three, I only look nineteen. My skin is supple with youth, even if it is ghostly pale and nearly indestructible. My body is firm and taught, even though it is ice cold to the touch, and I am too strong for my own good. Luxurious mahogany hair cascades down my back like a chocolate waterfall. How I wish my hair was brittle and snow white, wispy and coarse to the touch.

It's ironic really. If you knew me at a certain time in my life, this would be the only thing I ever wanted, to be young and beautiful forever. To not be plagued with clumsiness and dreaded blushing. To have eternity bow before me like a servant to his master. I wanted this so bad I could taste it. When I did get it however, all I wanted to do was die want, so I guess you can say I got my just desserts. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I did not want this particular life though. To be broken and alone. My heart shattered beyond repair, like shards of glass. I really don't like glass as a general rule. My memory is fuzzy, and I did see this particular memory from inferior human eyes, but I remember glass, glass and pain. I imagined this life, dare I even say it, _immortality, _quite differently. Not wandered this world lost and confused, but sheltered by love and companionship of family. _My family. _I wish I could be strong and say I don't think of them or that I don't miss them with my wasted heart, but I do. It makes me very angry with myself. They were never really my family; I just wanted them to be. It was like I was auditioning for a family, and I never got a call back. It does make me feel better to say that I am mad at all of them, not just _him, _since they all left me without a care.

Much time has passed though, and while I grow no younger, I tire of reliving what cannot be changed. I feel exhausted all the time, but sleep never fully comes, and no dreams wait for me, to let me pretend all is well. All I have is the nightmare I live every day, with this damn existence. It could be worse. Only my heart is lonely, I do have friends, or a family, per say. They are the only thing that keeps me from crawling under a rock and waiting until the apocalypse. I have adoration of thousands, and I give hope to others. What more could a person really ask for? I guess I'm just selfish like that. I do want more, my dead heart cries out for it, for _him,_ all the time.

I ignore my hearts pleadings and open a plain black spiral notebook. Call me old fashioned, since there are so many more technological options for writing one's thought down, but I prefer the closeness, the intimacy of my brain to hand. These notebooks have brought me the only solace I know. An outlet for the pain that still feels fresh and raw, even after seventy-five years of solitude. These white pages hold not only the longing of my long dead heart, but the rantings of a teenage girl scored and bittersweet love songs. I never thought that there would be an audience for them, but lo and behold, I'm not the first one, nor the last I'd assume to be in love, and to have that love rip out your beating heart and riverdance all over it, mashing it quite thoroughly into heart colored pulp.

Brushing away an escaped lock of hair, I press the pen onto the lined paper and begin to write, willing inspiration out of my hands, albums don't write themselves you know. Since I am the voice piece for these thoughts, they let me write them, and then vocalize them to the masses.

Ideas slowly weave themselves in my mind and my shattered heart once again bleeds for my music, the one true thing I do have in this existence.

Quietly in my dark room I write, my only light is the moon, full and bountiful. A fresh start, a new moon.

I, Bella Swan, although by stage name, I am Izzy Sparrow, attack the pages once more, with vigor now that I have decided on what mood to portray. Right now I am angry, and I feel used, so I run with it….

_And that's what you get when you let your heart win…._

CHAPTER ONE

_(Radio Announcer)- "I cannot tell you how excited I am for A beautiful Nightmare's new album. After the huge success of their debut record; __Flying on Broken Wings__, they have a lot to live up too. With six of their songs on the Billboards' Top 100, and three singles reaching number one, it's astounding a band could accomplish all that with their first album. Their still untitled album will be out later this summer. So until we get new tracks, here's their smash hit; My Immortal."_

That particular song was written down so very long ago, about a year after he left me. I was a newborn then, alone and heartbroken. I didn't go through the dreaded newborn phase my family used to speak of. While I do hunt, it seemed my human life's aversion to blood and my unwillingness to be like the family who left me when I needed them most, I don't need to hunt as much as my adoptive family and band do.

Mirelle was the one who saved me, my own personal little miracle. Her story was even worse than mine. Mirelle was born in the same year I was, but was changed about three years after I was, giving her the appearance that she was about twenty-two. She had just graduated college, and was engaged to her college sweetheart. One night after walking through her hometown after a friend's graduation party, she was attacked by a stranger and left for dead, naked and bloodied in the street. That's when Bryant found her.

Bryant himself turned in the early 1900's, right around WWI, making him the oldest of our little coven, and by default the leader. Bryant was mostly nomadic, never settling in one place for a very long time. Horribly lonely, he wished for just one being to share his life with. One night, he heard muffled screams, and then the ever intoxicating smell of human blood. This is where I give Bryant so much credit. He had still retained much of his humanity, much like my ex-father. There he saw a beautiful young woman, completely ravaged. Yet, the blood and look of terror could not hide her beauty, and as they say, the rest is history.

From that day forth, Mirelle and Bryant have been inseparable. Mirelle with her slender willowy frame and model body, and shoulder length reddy-auburn waves, and Bryant with his crooped and buzzed dark hair and burly physique. They were each others ying and yang. Bryant was more subdued and contemplative, he was my contributing songwriter. Mirelle was happy and bubbly, even considering the less than ideal circumstances to which she entered our world. Her happiness was infectious, and she was rarely seen without a smile. In some ways, she reminded me of my old sister, but she preferred to rough and tumble with the boys over pampering and shopping sprees.

They found me about a decade after my change, wandering the wintery Canadian forests, practically wild and as skittish as a colt. Mirelle took it upon herself to take me under her wing. I was very untrusting of her at first, but as the months blinked by, and the years dragged on, I saw the love and understanding in Mirelle's eyes, and Bryant's too. I would willingly give up my life for either of them today. I depend on those like no other vampire has ever needed someone.

That leaves us with the final member of our band. Dakota was born in 2004, an infant in comparison to Bryant. In the year 2022, at the tender age of eighteen, he was merely at the wrong place at the wrong time, wandering the woods at night, surprisingly close to my old home of Forks. Dakota was part McCaw , and Indian tribe not to far from dreary rainy Forks, and has many of the characteristics that I vaguely remember from an old friend. Like all vampires, he was very ripped and toned. I imagine that during his human life he was rather tan, a deep russet color, but with the gossamer of vampirism, he looked chalky over his tanned skin, while he was still darker than the three of us, he merely looked like he had an olive complexion. His hair was midnight black and shaggy and brushed his broad shoulders. His hair reminded me of spilled ink. His nose was straight and roman in style, and fit his face well. We found him about three years after his change in the year 2025. Even as the youngest member of our little coven, we have all been together for fifty years.

While I love all of them with all that I can give, and they know it, I still think back to my hazy memories of my human life where I spent much time in a beautiful white house surrounded by lush green trees. My heart really beat its true last beat within those walls, and I am glad for it.

"Bella, we've got to get going soon. You have an hour to get ready before we go and play that surprise show. Would you like me to help you get ready?" Mirelle's voice whispered through the door of my room.

"No, I'm alright on my own. I'll be ready soon Miry, thanks for the heads up." I get up from the bay window and walk to my closet. The closet is split in two, one side for everyday or 'normal' clothes and the other half was dedicated to Izzy Sparrow's life. I randomly grabbed a few articles and whatnot and threw them into my messenger bag; I was going to get ready at the club.

We were going to do a surprise show for some of our biggest fans. The invitational said that we would be doing an acoustic set of some of the songs from our old CD, but we would really be playing the songs for our new CD due out later in the year. It would be the first time anyone has heard these songs besides us and our manager. I eagerly anticipated the ruckus we would cause unveiling new songs to our most loyal fans.

Being a band comprised of all vampires is sometimes hard to manage, since we can only play indoors and at night, but we make up for that by having a very intimate settings and pyrotechnics. We did have to be careful however, since fire is really the only way to kill our kind. Both humans and vampires have become fans, and I actually expected to see a few beautiful pale faces in the crowd tonight.

I shoved my feet into my converses as I ran, since my heels were in my bag, no need to taunt my old life. I threw my hair up in a messy updo and rushed down the stairs to greet my family and walk out to our cars. We disliked limousines, as they caused attention to us. This particular house was in the Hollywood hills, since we were in LA to promote our new CD, and I was actually pretty excited for the show. I liked being on stage, and tonight would be no difference.

Miry and Bry got into Bryant's second lover, his 2053 Gallardo LP560-4 Spyder in graphite silver, while Kota and I got into his pride and joy, Ferrari 612 Scaglietti 2054 in Tour De France Blue. Both were beautiful works of art. While I could now appreciate fine machinery such as this, I still was not a car nut. I did however, have a baby of my own.

Miry and Bry had been lovers and mates for as long as I had known them, and Kota held more feelings for me than I did for him. I loved him on the only level I could lovethe only level my fragile heart could give, which was that of a friend and brother. He was loving and affable. Jubilant and just a little goofy, and he was the only one who could make me smile by pretending to be like me when I was human; clumsy and unable to stand on our own two feet. He wanted more than I was willing to give him, and it made me feel absolutely terrible. Who knows, maybe one day I would feel more for him, but I sincerely doubted it. When your life is so wrapped and intertwined with that of another person, it would take a lifetime to unweave the threads that bind me to someone who no longer loves me.

As the two cares raced down Pacific Highway my hair whipping in the breeze, words and ideas wrapped up in my head, and I prepared myself for the show later in the evening…never knowing what was ahead of me, and how I could have never prepared myself for what was to come.


	2. A Night With Whisky

**AN- Okay, so here we are or chapter two! I'm excited for what happens next! I used four songs in this chapter, 'Fighter' by Christina Aguilera, 'That's What You Get' by Paramore, 'Cemetery Drive' by My Chemical Romance and finally 'Call Me When Your Sober' by Evanescence. I have new links in my profiles for the bands instruments and outfits. I have a few other links so you can finally see Bella's car and her new acquisition. And you finally get to see their house! So, On with Immortal Words, Forever Love!**

We arrived at The Whisky is record time. What would have been a pain in the ass drive for most humans was a pleasant and pleasurable cruise for those of us, slightly more nocturnal. The surrounding area was literally crawling with liberally intoxicated humans, and those looking for a good time, we easily pulled into the back of the establishment into spots that were assigned to the musicians.

While we could have been playing far bigger venues, we liked the Whisky for a lot of reasons. It was dark and mysterious, yet it provided a close and intimate experience for our most loyal fans. We quickly made our way into the bar and onto the stage where our instruments had been delivered earlier in the day by our faithful assistant Aubrey. While we never dealt with Aubrey face to face, we had nothing but gratitude for the human who unbeknownst to her helped a coven of vampires with their meaningless tasks to achieve world domination…in the musical sense of course.

Weaving our way through the roadies and various Whisky employees, we meandered into the green room where we would hang out in until show time. After that, we were going to have fans trickle through for a meet and greet. While we were all a little wary of this, we knew we could handle it. I myself had been a 'vegan' vampire single my change, Bryant and Mirelle had quickly jumped onto the train when I told them of my need to not kill humans. They to still held on to their humanity, and had told me they had felt disgusted with themselves after every feeding. Kota was a little harder to sway, since he had been on his own for a few years and was already set into his ways, but eventually realized how beneficial it was to his social life to have golden honey eyes over startlingly scary scarlet. I think he also knew that we would never let him into our family if he continued to feed on humans. I believe I was a large part of his decision to hunt animals. This always reminded me of Alice and Jasper, and it never failed to make me miserable for days on end afterword.

We began to fiddle with our instruments making sure that they were in proper working order, and tuned to our specifications. As with all of the other areas our existence, we only used the best. The best cars, the most expensive clothes, and the most sought after old and ridiculously expensive musical instruments, or in some of our cases, just really awesome antique guitars.

Bryant was A Beautiful Nightmare's lead guitarist, and he rocked a Jeff Beck 1954 Les Paul Oxblood like no human, or vampire for that matter. While he was the most subdued out of our group besides me, he was like a completely different person on stage. His fingers picked and strummed the strings of the axe faster than any human probably could. Bryant and I also contributed on some songs, and he sang the songs I thought fit better from a male voice. We were a very good writing team. Bryant was a very casual guy, and today was just relaxing in some loose fitting boot cut jeans and a simple Nirvana tee. While Nirvana was at its most popular when I was a little human girl, he still very much enjoyed their music, and represented his tastes by wearing their merchandise. I have no idea how he either found or kept a Nirvana tee in such good shape for so long. I wasn't even sure the humans now a days, have even heard of the band. He had on some of his old beat up blue converses and his hair couldn't even be brushed it was so short.

In his human life, Dakota was a drummer in a garage band on the rez. They never got anywhere he said, but he loved rocking out with his friends and pretending to be a hugely famous rock star. He was living that dream now, with different friends and in a different time, but he was happy. Dakota was a machine on his Starclassic Bubinga EFX in a blue green sea foam color. He always had a flare for the strange bright colors that seemed to just shine off his strange skin. He liked all of his clothing, cars, and drums to scream 'Look at me!' The shirt he currently wore was a Bleeding Through band tee that said "I Don't Give A Fuck!" on the back. He also had on some jeans, but his were tighter since he did not want to get them caught in the bass pedals…again. Flatter shoes were also a better idea when stomping on the pedals so he also wore Chuck Taylor's, only his were a metallically silver.

Miry is our bassist. While she had not imagined herself as a bassist, she was strangely fit for the instrument, as she had the long willowy body for it to look effortless, as well as the long arms to reach all the way up the neck. She relished in the feeling of letting go, of letter out her more animal instincts in a safer setting by just letting herself over to the music, and the feeling of people screaming out for more. I could definitely relate to it. Even though I now was as graceful as my old family was, and as graceful as Mirelle even, I was still amazed how she could go into a huge lunging knee bend in stilettos and still look so beautiful. Some people or vampires just had all the fucking luck, ya know? Mirelle's bass was this gorgeous Rickenbacher-350/12V63 Liverpool, in just simple black and white. Speaking earlier of Mirelle's stilettos, which were these scary slender black contraptions of death, she paired them with black little leggings and blue and black zebra stripped hot pants. Very few people could pull off something this bizarre but the look just made her mile long legs look even longer. I was very jealous. A simple black bustier was what finished off her ensemble along with a multi tiered chain necklace and simple black bow earrings. Her hair was its usual messy curl mop that just made her look good enough to eat, or at least, that's what Bryant always said.

As I entered the back room I walked behind the thin muslin linen curtain so I could change. I pulled my clothing out of the messenger bag, and I thought back to the days where I would have blushed scarlet at the things I was about to put on. While the fitted tee I pulled on was not outrageous or anything, it did say 'Love Can't Hurt You'. The pants however, Bella Swan would never wear. Tight leather pants unfurled themselves as they unrolled. They hit low on my hips, and I was going to bludgeon Mirelle for convincing me to buy them. They showed a little bit of my midriff and I knew I would feel the urge to tug my shirt down for the rest of the night. I could already feel the urge in my itchy fingers. I slipped on my own huge scary heels, another Mirelle idea mind you. They were really cute though. They were a black and white checkered and totally freaking adorable. I 'accessorized' as my old sister used to call it, with some black plastic bracelets, and absurdly cute black octopus ring and a double cross chain necklace. My hair was easy to do. I just threw it out of the messy updo bun I had and let it fall down my back like a chocolate river.

I wasn't Bella Swan anymore, for the rest of the night, as I sang my broken hearts songs and greeted fans, I was Izzy Sparrow, and this was her costume. Her shield was a Zakk Wylde Les Paul Bullseye . It was black and white, and it made me feel powerful. I also played an acoustic and the piano, but was not sure if I was going to need it tonight.

A timid tech knocked on our door and cracked it open.

"Their ready for you on stage. It's completely packed out there. Have a good show guys."

Before we could even comment to him, he was gone; apparently we vampires were still alien to many humans. I raised my nose into the air and inhaled the odd aroma of humans mixed with vampires. All vampires in attendance were either vegan by choice or were going to abstain for the duration of the evening. It would be uncouth for multiple fans of the band A Beautiful Nightmare to be murdered in the same way; there would definitely be speculation if something like that occurred. It would be headline news, and we neither wanted the bad press, or for people to start suspecting something was amiss.

Bryant and Mirelle walked down the narrow hallway hand in hand ahead of Dakota and I, making us feel like awkward teenagers unsure if holding hands would be inappropriate. So Dakota, even thought he was a great amount taller than me nudged his shoulders into mine unbalancing me into the wall. I giggled breathily and reciprocated. The four of us joked and laughed until we were standing in the doorway leading to the stage. The manager of The Whisky was at the mic about to introduce us.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my extreme pleasure to introduce to you a band who exploded onto the scene only a little over a year ago, and have already generated two number one singles, and five hit songs, from their outrageously acclaimed debut album, to the highly anticipated new album, I give you; A Beautiful Nightmare!"

With that we ambled on stage and were greeted by a thunderous applause. Lights turned on above our heads, and I spoke to the standing room audience.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming out here tonight! Before the show begins, I do have an announcement to make. We will not be playing songs from our CD _Flying On Broken Wings_ tonight." I was met with a few boos and a few surprised gasps, so I continued before pandemonium struck. "Tonight, as a special gift to you, our greatest, most loyal fans, we will be playing songs from our unreleased and until now, untitled album. So tonight you will be hearing songs from our upcoming album, _Immortal Words_. Now, let's get the night started! This song is called, "Fighter". I slid my guitar over my shoulder as my sensitive ears picked up the excited panting over the screams and shrieks.

The recorded piano and violins started playing as I started the song off by talking. I grasped the microphone and leaned the stand close to me.

[Spoken]

_  
After all that you put me through,  
You think I'd despise you,  
But in the end I wanna thank you,  
'Cause you've made me that much stronger_

I grabbed the neck of my Gibson and Dakota hit the double bass.

[Singing]

_Well I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true  
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up  
Cause I've had enough  
You were there by my side, always down for the ride  
But your joy ride just came down in flames cause your greed sold me out in shame_

_After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you  
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong  
Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know  
Just how capable I am to pull through  
So I wanna say thank you  
Cause it_

The chorus begins and Miry and Bryant sing back up.

_  
Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
Makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter_

Bryant and I each slide down the neck of our Gibson's and I hear the crowd jumping to the beat.

_Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing  
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I'd realize your game  
I heard you're going round playin', the victim now  
But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame  
Cause you dug your own grave  
After all of the fights and the lies cause you're wanting to haunt me  
But that won't work anymore, no more,  
It's over  
Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture  
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down  
So I wanna say thank you  
Cause it_

_Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
Makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter_

I whisper this next part, almost singing, but mostly talking.

_How could this man I thought I knew  
Turn out to be unjust so cruel  
Could only see the good in you  
Pretend not to know the truth  
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself  
Through living in denial  
But in the end you'll see  
YOU-WONT-STOP-ME_

I kick my leg and the lights blink off the white in my shoes.

Bryant breakdowns on his own Gibson, and Miry presses her back to his as they duet.__

_I am a fighter and I  
I ain't gonna stop  
There is no turning back  
I've had enough_

_Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
Makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter_

_You thought I would forget  
But I remembered  
Cause I remembered  
I remembered  
You thought I would forget  
I remembered  
Cause I remembered  
I remembered_

_Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter_

The drums and guitars fade out, and Miry and I sing the last few lines.

_  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
Makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter_

The crowd goes wild and I take a necessary breath, even though my lungs don't need the air. I smelled it when I inhaled. Something that I could not quite identify, but something I knew I had smelled before. It was heady and intoxicating, and way too overwhelming. I could have sworn that my long dead heart just jumped in my chest. Why was I reacting so strangely? While the crowd yelled and screamed, I placed a hand over my eyes to cut the glare of the white lights. It was not really necessary to do so, but it was as if I had binoculars. There at the few tables at the back. Well hot damn. Alice Cullen, looking like she just so belonged. Her black pixie hair was spiked messily and head to toe in black leather, only she could pull off something so….daring and sexy. Speaking of sexy, Rosalie was sitting right by her, her leg crossed over the other; the spike of her shoe looking like it could stab even my skin. Her black tube dress barely covering the things it should cover.

What the hell are the female Cullen's doing here? And why were they both nodding in satisfied approval? Both were wearing matching feral like cat-who-ate-the-canary-and-who stole-the-cream smiles. Strange, and creepy. Finally my eyes made contact with a tall very attractive strawberry blonde who looked killer in the red halter dress and slender silver shoes. This woman looked less than pleased to be here, and yawned indifferently when she and I made eye contact. Yes, now I remember, this must be Tanya Denali.

My muscles tensed and I fought the urge to fold myself into a crouch. Venom filled my mouth and I felt my honey colored eyes turn dark, and my eyelids slide into slits of anger. How dare they come here! Why did they care? Why did Rosalie and Alice seem almost proud of me? Where were Jasper and Emmett…and _him_? I had accomplished all of this in only a few seconds, but if I did not start the next song soon, the crowd and my family would all begin to ask questions. So, I merely shot Rose, Alice and what I am to assume is Tanya an eyebrow raise and spoke into the microphone.

"Thank you. Once again that was 'Fighter'. I know you were all expecting to hear our old songs, but we decided to let our most loyal dedicated fans hear our new material before the album even comes out." My mind stalled as I saw the Cullen males; Jasper, Emmett and…Edward walk back over to the table the girls were occupying with drinks in their hands. So that's where they went, to make the appearance of being human. Our next song was going to be something else, but my band would not mind the quick change. "This next song is called; 'I Caught Myself'. As usual, it is dedicated to my ex-boyfriend who left me for dead one night so long ago. Hit it Dakota!"

Dakota then proceeds with the opening hits on the snare and bass and I begin to sing one of my favorite songs on the new record.

_No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore._

It's true. I got over blaming myself a long time ago. I place that blame fully in Edward's lap. I flip my hair over my shoulder for emphasis.

_  
It's your turn; to take a seat we're settling the final score.  
And why do we like to hurt, so much?_

I can't decide  
You have made it harder just to go on  
And why?  
All the possibilities...  
Well I was wrong

I look up from the microphone and my guitar and look directly into Edward Cullen's mystified eyes. I wonder if he knew about me, or if this was Alice's doing. I was banking on Alice being the deranged little planning monkey behind this scheme. It reeked of Alice. Stupid little pixie.

_That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!  
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa...  
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.  
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa._

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.  
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.

It was true. When they left, I was so cut off from my other friends. Not that I was in the mood for friendships, I was broken and barely holding myself together, but I felt so fucking alone.

_  
I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn.  
Oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard._

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!  
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.  
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.  
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

Pain, make your way to me. (to me)  
And I'll always be just so inviting.  
If I ever start to think straight,  
This heart will start a riot in me,  
Let's start... Start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?  
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?

_  
_We all scream this part and the bass and guitars stop, and the only instrument playing is Dakota on the drums.

_  
That's what you get when you let your heart win!  
Whoa._

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.  
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

I can't trust myself with anything but this,  
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

The song finished and once again the crowd went wild. I looked to the table where my old family was occupying, and I watched as Emmett laughed at Edward, jabbing him in the shoulder with one beefy finger. I saw both Alice and Rosalie glaring daggers at him and he just sat there, taking it all, head in his hands. Tanya's mouth was pursed into a frown and she rubbed her hands on Edward's obviously tense shoulders. Jasper just sat quietly, sitting backwards on his chair, observing everyone, his mind probably working over drive because of all of the different heated emotions. I decided to slow it down a little for our next song.

"This next song will be sung by Bryant, and it's called 'Cemetery Drive'.

This song started with Dakota doing a roll on the snare and a singular hits on the bass.

_This night, walk the dead  
In a solitary style  
And crash the cemetery gates.  
In the dress your husband hates  
Way down, mark the grave  
Where the search lights find us  
Drinking by the mausoleum door  
And they found you on the bathroom floor_

I miss you, I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

The background for the next part was sung quietly by Mirelle and myself, who kept shooting me the strangest looks. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my tumultuous thoughts away from her, she knew me to well. Crap. I was going to have a lot of explaining to do, and I knew none of my family would be happy with the Cullen's being here, they all had a certain, shall I say, burning hatred for the family, especially Dakota. I could only imagine what Dakota would do; he had such a quick temper.

_  
Back home, off the run  
Singing songs that make you slit your wrists  
It isn't that much fun, staring down a loaded gun  
So I won't stop dying, won't stop lying (are you there at all?)  
If you want I'll keep on crying (do you care at all?)  
Did you get what you deserve? (are you there at all?)  
Is this what you always want me for?_

I miss you, I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down

I miss you, I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

When will I miss you, when will I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard  
Made it so hard

Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down...

After this songs last strains occurred I looked over to that table, not having the courage to do it at all during the song, and I see them all sitting there, staring at me. They knew that even though Bryant had sung the song, I had written it. Tanya had a look of utter contempt and hatred upon her angelic face, making her look very frightening. Alice was just nodding as if she had known something all along. Rose and Emmett were making out like horny teenagers. Jasper was sitting silently his eyes tightly shut. I looked over to Edward and was met with piercing golden eyes. His eyebrows were mashed together in deep contemplation and thought.

"Thanks again you guys. Everyone here means so much to me and Mirelle, Bryant and Dakota. You guys allow us to do what we love, so we thank you. This will be the last song we play tonight…" I was cut off by the crowd booing and screaming their displeasure. I quickly made eye contact with the members of my band, my coven and my family. We really did not even need to speak one another. We all just nodded and I spoke back into the microphone. "Since we've all had such a good time here tonight, we are going to play another show here tomorrow featuring even more new material. So here's our last song for the evening, it's called 'So What?' Lets rock this!

_I guess I just lost my boyfriend  
I don't know where he went  
So I'm gonna drink my money  
I'm not gonna pay his rent (nope)  
I got a brand new attitude  
And I'm gonna wear it tonight  
I'm gonna get in trouble  
I wanna start a fight  
Na na na na na na na  
I wanna start a fight  
I wanna start a fight_

So...  
So what!  
I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what?  
I'm havin' more fun  
And now that we're done  
I'm gonna show you  
Tonight...  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool  
So...  
So what!  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight

Check my flow (uhh)

The waiter just took my table  
And gave it to Jessica Sim...(Shit)  
I guess I'll go sit with drum boy  
At least he knows how to hit (Whoops)  
What if this song's on the radio?  
Somebody's gonna die  
I'm gonna get in trouble  
My ex will start a fight  
He's gonna start a fight  
We're all gonna get in a fight

So...  
So what!  
I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what?  
I'm havin' more fun  
And now that we're done  
I'm gonna show you  
Tonight...  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool  
So...  
So what!  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight

I looked up for the first time to the table and made direct contact once again with Edward. I wanted him to here this next part. He needed to hear how messed up I was after he left. I felt so free when I sang this song. It hurt to say those things, but I saw t he girls in the crowd nodding in approval, and looking at me like I was singing what they so desperately wanted to say. Take that Edward Cullen!__

You weren't there  
You never were  
You want it all  
But that's not fair  
I gave you life  
I gave my all  
You weren't there  
You let me fall

_  
So...  
So what!  
I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what?  
I'm havin' more fun  
And now that we're done  
I'm gonna show you  
Tonight...  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool  
So...  
So what!  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight_

NO no  
No no  
I don't want you tonight  
You weren't there  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool  


I looked over to the table one more time and Alice was grinning at me like I was the sexiest piece of hout couture she could ever get her little hands on. She was literally bouncing on her chair. It was like she approved of the things I was saying in my song…strange.

_  
So...  
So what!  
I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what?  
I'm havin' more fun  
And now that we're done  
I'm gonna show you  
Tonight...  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool  
So...  
So what!  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight_

Ba da da da da da

When the song ended, Miry, Bry, Kota and I each took a bow and left the stage. We had not even made it off the stage all the way before we heard the crowd chanting encore. We usually did so tonight would be no different.

"Do you guys think I could just go out there and play 'Call Me When You're Sober 'on the piano by myself?" I asked, using my puppy dog eyes and curling my lip.

"Sure Bella, that's no problem. I know how much you love that song." Mirelle said hugging me. She then placed her arms around my upper arms and leaned away from me. "And don't you even think that I'll forget how weird you have been acting tonight. As soon as you are off the stage, you will tell me everything."

Crap.

I sat on the bench of a piano they had moved onto the smaller stage sitting in the dark, waiting for the cue from the lightening guy. It seemed that no one knew I was there…will the humans at least. The vampires knew I was there, their ultra sensitive sight could see me in the pitch black like I was sitting in a brightly lit room. It was quiet however, the crowd waiting for the encore to start; you could feel the hum of excitement. My hearing picked up bits of conversation, one in particular I'm sure I was not meant to hear.

"Well what did you think Edward? That she would see you and just fall over herself into your arms? You left her, left her for dead apparently!" Alice hissed into Edward's ear as he shook his head furiously from side to side.

"I don't understand why seeing her make any difference Eddie. You got over her a long time ago. You have me now." Tanya crooned, shaking her arm in between Edward's.

That got me to thinking. Edward said he would have a lot of distractions. It made me wonder if Tanya was his distraction, well obviously Bella.

"Tanya, I do not want to hurt your feelings, but you know that I do not have feelings for you. I have never led you on, so please do not assume otherwise." Edward whispered back, he sounded annoyed.

I started to tense again, feeling very insecure and I saw the lighting guy give me the ten second count. I couldn't do this by myself! I needed my band! Screw solo piano playing! Holy Crap!

"Miry! Bry! Kota! I need you all to come out and play with me I cannot do this by myself! I'm freaking out here guys!" I whispered out, but it felt like a soul wrenching scream to me. The lighting guy gave me the signal and I was flooded with light, so I began, hearing my family scramble for their instruments. I could hear Dakota curse as he grabbed his entire drum set and pretend to struggle to get out in time.

_Don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,  
You would be here with me._

Miry began to sing with me and I internally breathed a huge sigh of relief.

_  
You want me,  
Come find me.  
Make up your mind._

_  
_Bryant and Dakota entered here and I felt like I could finish this song after all. I love my family.

_  
Should I let you fall?  
Lose it all?  
So maybe you can remember yourself.  
Can't keep believing,  
We're only deceiving ourselves.  
And I'm sick of the lie,  
And you're too late._

Don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,  
You would be here with me.  
You want me,  
Come find me.  
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame.  
Sick with shame.  
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.  
Selfishly hated,  
No wonder you're jaded.  
You can't play the victim this time,  
And you're too late.

So don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,  
You would be here with me.  
You want me,  
Come find me.  
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober.  
You only want it cause it's over,  
It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?  
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,  
You would be here with me.  
Don't lie to me,  
Just get your things.  
I've made up your mind.

The crowd cheered once more and we left the stage. I was first to make it into our dressing room and I heard the door slam shut. Oh balls.

"What the hell is that all about Bells? You have been acting totally weird all damn night! You changed our playlist, you stared off into space all night, _and then_ you wanted to do the encore solo, but _desperately_ needed us at the end? What the fuck is your deal?!" Dakota yelled at me. My shoulders slumped and started to rock as if I was crying. If a dead vampire could cry, that is what I would be doing right now. I sobbed brokenly and my hands pulled at my hair. My legs collapsed under me and I hit the ground with a heavy thud. No one caught me because they were staring at me in shock. I realized they were waiting for me to reply.

"They…they were here tonight guys. The Cullen's. I saw them, they saw me, and we exchanged looks. I saw Edward for the first time in almost eighty years. He, I think he might have a girlfriend too…" I finished weakly. They all stared at me in stunned silence. I looked up only when I heard a deadly feral growl issue from Dakota's throat, rumbling from his chest.

"What? Are you kidding me? Of course you're not kidding me. They have no right to be here? Who the fuck do they think they are just walking back in her, back into your life like nothing happened, like these past EIGHTY FUCKING YEARS have not happened! I'm going out there and I'm going to rip them limb from useless limb! And I'm going to save that dickhead for last!" Dakota yelled, his eyes blazing. I could feel his anger radiating off of him in electric waves. I was sure Jasper could feel that, like being hit by a brick wall at one hundred miles per hour.

"No Kota, we can't we have fans coming to meet us in a few minutes. You just have to calm down so we can meet our fans and then we can go home. That's all I want. Okay?" I said to him finally getting off the ground and walking over to him, and leaned my head onto his chest. He instantly wrapped his arms around me, and I soon felt Mirelle and Bryant's' strong and cool arms around me.

"Oh Bella I am so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?" Miry whispered to me. Her eyes so full of concern I wanted to cry all over again.

"No. I just want to sign a few autographs, pose for some pictures, make nice and go home. I have a few more songs I want to hash out on the piano." Everyone looked apprehensively over my head to meet the others eyes but nodded.

"No problem Bella. Whatever you want is fine by us. Just tell us if you get to overwhelmed. If you want, we could go home and hunt, you do probably need to feed, especially after the….excitement of tonight." Bryant said so diplomatically. I smiled weakly at him and nodded.

"Yes, that's what I want. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick and splash some water on my face. Just give me a minute to myself." With that I walked to the bathroom, which I don't think many people would just want to wander into to 'clean themselves off', I even felt germy in this place. I splashed some water out of the 'C' knob, but it still felt lukewarm at best against my skin. I put my hands over the crown of my head and finger combed my hair. Even if my lungs did not need to take in air to survive, I took in a few big breathes, and closed my eyes. I was really trying to calm myself down. I wanted to jump out of my marble skin. I wanted to scream, shattering the mirror and glass. I wanted to punch my way through this wall and run away. But I couldn't do any of that. I had to collect myself together and go into the next room with my family and meet 'n' greet with the fans. I could do this. I could SO do this…I have to.

I walked back out there and put on a smile for Mirelle's sake. She knew it was fake, hell, Bryant and Kota knew, but they were happy enough that I was trying. Some of the tech guys had placed a table in the center of the room, draped with heavy blood red crushed velvet. I walked past it and the tips of my fingers ran across the velvet. It was luxurious and smooth to the touch. I sat down at the first chair and accepted my bottle of water, even though I had no pressing need for it. We all settled into our seats and mentally prepared for a few seconds the melee of swarming fans. I gave a subtle nod to the manager of The Whisky, and he opened the door and ran in the opposite direction. People stormed in and made a beeline for us, oh holy shit….

My eyes were killing me. I thought that this whole vampire business would better protect my eyeballs, but they felt like they were one fire. I even saw spots! My jaw and mouth and lips were sore from smiling, and I really, _really_ wanted to wash my hands. But the line had gone down to a small trickle, and then to nothing, and we just sent the last fan out on her happy way and were going to close up shop. The manager had gone to get info on the show we surprised him with, but he was more than willing to work with us. Well, he was after Mirelle and I dazzled him a bit. He said the next day was just going to be an open mic nite, so, he was more than pleased to have patrons buying drinks and tickets and what not. He was just going to let us know what time to be back here, and introduce us to the assistant manager as he was not going to be there the next evening. I really could not wait to leave.

There was a timid knock at the door for the second time this evening, and I was happy that the manager was back. I said 'Come in.' and turned back to my bag to make sure my notebook was in there. I still wore the outfit I had on from the show; I really did not see the point in changing out of it. Then I inhaled. My back shoot straight up and my shoulders instantly tensed up. It felt like my hair stood on end. At the same time, my mouth filled with venom and I wanted nothing more to attack. Raged filled my empty veins like sweet sweet blood and I knew instantly that my eyes had turned black. I instantly felt relaxed and calm. Fuck.

"I don't appreciate your mind fucking with me Jasper Cullen." I hissed and threw up my shield with a force that sent him reeling. I spun on my heels and was instantly flanked by a very angry Bryant and liberally livid Dakota. I could sense Mirelle making an effort to stay calm, but I could hear her hair snapping with electricity as she fought to keep her kinetic energy at bay.

"How did you _do _that Bella?" Jasper whispered awed and amazed.

"Wouldn't you like to know? Unfortunately I don't feel like telling. Now if you would excuse me, my family and I were just living." I made the tiniest movement to move but all of the Cullen's minus Tanya Denali yelled "Wait!"

"You do not tell me what to do. All of you can go to hell. Goodnight." I then reached the door before I felt a cool hand on my wrist. He was touching me, after so long, I felt his heavenly touch. It made me weak, but I knew I could not let it affect me. I couldn't let it. With lightening speed that even another vampire would have trouble following, I opened my hand and slapped him soundly across the face to the sound of two rocks being slammed together.

Dead silence.

"Bella." Was all he said to me. After all of this time, just my name. No reason, no explanation. Well I guess I knew the reasons. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't pretty enough. I was just plain old human Bella. He wasn't in love with me. I chanted that last one over and over again.

"Screw you Edward. Just, get the hell away from me. I don't need this shit, and I don't need you. I don't need any of you." I wrenched my hand from his and stalked past everyone to grab my bag. I looked up, and all eyes were on me. Bryant and Dakota's angry but proud eyes. Mirelle loving empathy. Jasper and Emmett's shocked gaze. Alice's eyes pleaded forgiveness, and Rose just looked resigned. Tanya was one again shooting me death glares, and then I looked to him. To Edward. His eyes were deeply hurt, but it was like he expected this reaction. Of course. Understanding Edward. It made me sick to my fucking stomach, figuratively of course.

"Bella. I saw your grave in a vision. That was seventy-five years ago. I…we…we all thought you had _died_." Alice's voice trembled and cracked on the last word. I sighed. It was very very hard to stay mad at Alice. But it wasn't her fault that her brother had moved on. Still, I was hurt she left, without even saying goodbye.

"Well, technically, I did die Alice. There was a burial too, but just and empty casket, they never found my body obviously. They just attributed my disappearance and subsequent death to the murders before." I shrugged at the end.

"Who changed you Bella?" Emmett asked, speaking for the first time.

"I didn't know when it happened. I was just alone in my bed, and alone in the house, Charlie was working crazy hours at the station because he didn't want to be around me. I wasn't sleeping because then the nightmares would come, and then…..No! I don't have to tell you? Why the hell do you care anyways? Any of you? Just…just get out!" I was so angry at myself for letting them in, if only for a moment. That was so horrendously personal, and they had no right knowing, especially Edward.

'But Bella…" Alice started.

"No! Just please, leave me alone. It hurts too much. To see you to hear your voices and know that nothing can be changed. I, I'm just not strong enough for this. What does it matter anyways? You have Jasper, Alice. And you two! How many times have you gotten married since I saw you last?"I could feel the venom coat my teeth as I continued, "And you Edward, you have your _distractions, _just like you said. So I guess you all have forgotten your manners. You must be Tanya Denali. Such a pleasure to meet you, I'm Bella Swan. Have him, you two fucking deserve each other. So none of you need me, so just LEAVE!" I looked at my family, eyes over bright and pleading, "Please just come home. I don't want you to do anything. I need you all tonight. Please." I fairly pleaded. With that I literally threw my bag over my shoulder once more and with inhuman speed ran out of the club. I didn't even wait for Miry, Bry or Kota. I just kept running, blindenly fast, though the city dodging traffic and weaving in between people. Out of the city proper and through neighborhoods, all the way until we reached our home.

Looking at our home now, I was disgusted with myself. I picked this house, and now I could see why. It was pure pristine white like a fresh snow. Even when I wasn't thinking about them, I was. It was absolutely stunning; all of the candle lights were on the sconces that surrounded the balconies. Four car garage, we each got one of our cars there, and we had a building downtown when we wanted any of our other rides. I walked up the cement driveway and opened the side that held mine and Mirelle's car. I loved my car. The other three had the newest most top of the line car, but mine was a few years old. It was a 2051 Audi TT Convertible it was this bright blue color, and I loved her. Mirelle had a 2053 Z4 Coupe 3.0si Beemer in metallic red. My newest acquisition was a Dodge Tomahawk. Utterly amazing, I had never wanted a motorcycle until I saw this magnificent piece of machinery.

I walked into the house and threw open all of the doors on the top floor and the white gossamer drapery whipped with the breeze rustling from the ocean even though it was miles away, but I could still smell the salty breeze. The wind whipped through my hair and caressed my cold marble skin. I turned around and ran to my piano and started humming and running my fingers over the keys. As I waited for the inevitable return of my family and having to talk about things I did not want to relive, I started working out a new song, one I knew I was going to perform tomorrow.

_Your fingertips across my skin…_

**AN- I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I was outrageously helped by the music I included. I plan on using more, I already have their whole CD planned out! I would really like some more reviews, it makes me want to get new chapters out faster! I started this after I uploaded the first chapter and I'm already done! Go Me! So I hope to hear from you, good bad or indifferent, cause it lets me know if I'm doing what you want me too. As we get further in, I'll be adding some polls and questions, because I want to know what your thinking, but I have to set the plot us first! Look forward to hearing from you!**

**3 j.**


	3. Another Shot Morti Eterna

**AN-So here is chapter three of IMFL. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it out, I was horribly sick for an entire week, and I was in the hospital, and my mother would not bring my laptop, because I, 'Needed to get rest and get better.' Or something like that. Well bah to that! So the song's I used in this chapter were Missy Higgins's **_**Where I Stood**_**, **_**Goodbye to You**_**, originally by Scandal, but I am using The Veronica's version of the song. I'm using another Paramore song, this one is **_**I Caught Myself**_**. The next song is by the awesome gods of Nirvana, the title is **_**Man Who Sold the World**_**, but I kinda changed a few words so it could work for my story, so now it's **_**Man Who Stole My World. **_**The next song is by Atreyu, which I'm sure is not something a lot of people would have picked, but read the lyrics, it fits really well. The song is called **_**Right Side of the Bed**_**. My Chemical Romance is next, and the song is **_**I'm Not Okay (I Promise)**_**. The encore is by A Fine Frenzy the song is called Almost Lover. I hope they decide to use that song in New Moon. I think it perfectly describes how Bella felt after Edward left. So if you look in my profile, there is only a few pictures this chapter. Bella and Mirelle's outfit for the show, and also Bella's vintage acoustic. Final note, I never told you the meaning behind the names of Bella's family. Mirelle means Miracle, Bryant means strong and Dakota means savoir. So, ON WITH CHAPTER THREE!**

I'm not even sure how long I sat there, at my lovely piano waiting for my family to arrive home. It could have been merely a few minutes, or a few hours. However long it was, I had written two songs entirely for piano. I refused to put my shield down after Jasper raped my brain. Screw that. Screw being weak and powerless, I was that as a human, and I would be damned if I would allow myself to be that way now, especially around the Cullen's.

As a human, Edward could not read my thoughts, and now that I was a vampire my 'special gift' was that I had an impenetrable force field around my brain that I could move to not only my body, but others as well. At first my gift was haywire and I had trouble controlling it. I remember once Dakota had made me very angry over something stupid he had said, and I threw up my shield at him and had launched him clear across an eighty foot clearing, leaving a rather large depression in the ground. It was good to know that I could protect myself from those infernal Cullen's creepy little gifts. Edward's mind reading, Alice being able to see my future, and Jasper trying to make me feel what he wants me to feel. It made me even giddier that I could shield my family from such an assault, and while the Cullen's gifts were more mental, my families were more physical.

Mirelle had this energy about her, electrical, for lack of a better word, and she could zap it out of her like a lightning bolt. I'm not sure how many times she had threatened Kota with shooting a lightning bolt up his ass if he did not shut up then and there. He liked to kid her and call her Zeus. She told us in her human life, she was always zapping people with static electricity, and her hair was always a little kinky because of it.

Bryant had this utterly creepy ability to be able to paralyze with his touch. He had to think about it if he wanted to, so he could hold on to Mirelle's hand without essentially sucking out her life force, but if he chose to, he could suck all of your energy and strength out of you, causing you to be unable to move. The longer his hold on you, the longer you were totally in his will. I hoped I would never piss him off enough to feel it firsthand.

When Dakota was a human, he was part McCaw Indian. He was a regular neo-hippie child, like most Native Americans are. He felt at one with mother earth and cherished all that was given to us by her. It seemed that that also carried over when he became an immortal. He still loved and greatly respected Mother Nature, but it seemed that she had bestowed a gift on him as well. Dakota could now control elements of the earth. Mostly it was elemental in the essence of weather. He had trouble controlling it sometimes, as he does have a quick temper. The key to his abilities stemmed from his emotions, or lack thereof considering Kota. We all loved him dearly, but that boy was going to cause a Tsunami with his emotions one day, and follow it up with an apocalyptical thunderstorm that will have the humans running for cover.

I must have gotten lost in my own mind again, because the next thing I heard was very pointy heels clacking against the stone flooring, picking up speed at they went. I close my eyes and hunched my shoulders not sure what Mirelle I was going to get; angry, pissy, gingery Mirelle, and I wondered if that anger was directed at me or the earlier uninvited guests. It could also be compassionate empathetic Mirelle, but I feared I was going to get a mixture of all of the above. I heard the boys off in the distance, running away from the house, probably off to Angles National Forest, to hunt, as it was the closest. After the conversation I knew was on the way, I would probably need to as well.

Mirelle floated over to my seat by the piano and sat on the bench with me. She didn't speak. She just opened her arms and I sunk gratefully into her cool embrace and pressed my face into her chest. It was very reminiscent of what a mother would do to a small child, pressing her face into the mother's bosom and having the child listen to the only thing that would always make sense. A heartbeat, their mother's heartbeat. I had fuzzy memories of my own mother, from poor quality human eyes. Her name was Renee and I remember her to be loving, if slightly spacey.

While Mirelle's heartbeat was not there, the same comfort and love was, so it just accepted it and dry sobbed brokenly against the only person I've let in all the way since I died. I loved Bryant and Dakota, but they were my brothers, but Mirelle, she was my sister, my mother, my confidant and my miracle.

I couldn't stop myself. I just sat there; wrapped up in her arms, and gasped for air for the millionth time since becoming immortal I tried to figure out how to cry. I was told it was physically impossible for vampires to cry since we no longer have the body functions of a living breathing human. Mirelle pulled some of my hair back and I pressed my face into her cool shoulder. That's when I felt it.

I leaned back in her embrace, and even in the dim light I could make out the moisture on Mirelle's arm. Blood. I reached a now shaking hand to the corner of my eye, the crease where I remember, quite painfully in fact, many tears falling. My two fingers came back twinged with blood. I couldn't help it; I open my mouth and screamed.

I couldn't stop screaming. My mouth had fallen open and petrified scream after scream filled the open room. Both of my eyes were crying blood! How was this even possible? Not only had I not heard about it from any other vampire, I had never seen in happen. What was wrong with me? Before my mind could wrap around this new phenomenon, I heard eight pairs of feet running towards my home. Well, to say eight would not be correct. Seven pairs ran frantically towards our home and one slowly sauntered. In the distance, I could hear thunder rip through the area, and lightening flash; meaning Dakota and Bryant had heard me, and were also now on their way. Great. Round two.

Without so much as even a knock, eight silhouettes slithered through the filmy white draperies of the second story. Moonlight spilled over their backs, and it illuminated Rosalie, Jasper and Carlisle's corn silk hair. Esme, Emmett and Edward were next; their pale alert faces became more obvious to my gaze, even though I had known who was where as soon as I heard footsteps hit the balcony. Finally little Alice stepped forward, the night enveloping her the most with her slight frame and inky spiked hair. Tanya stood back still mostly on the balcony, as if the whole scenario bored her and she really did not want to be here.

Instantly Mirelle was on alert, she has sunk into a deep crouch, her teeth bared and you could plainly see the ripples of energy traveling over her body.

"You Cullen's are on very thin ice, you cross us when we can do nothing about it, but make no mistake, we are alone, and I will not hesitate to kill you!" The words ripped through her chest, and I knew she had meant every word. Emmett, however, just laughed.

"Listen girly we mean no harm in being here, we heard Bella scream, and merely came to investigate." He chuckled and reached forward to lay a calming hand on her body, which was such a wrong move for Emmett to make on so many levels. Mirelle screwed up her face in disgust and zapped him like a bug light zaps the annoying mosquito. It was almost comical to watch Emmett shoot up like that, enveloped almost lovingly in the blueish silver glow Miry's energy gave off. The smell of singed burning hair filled the room intravenously and Emmet slumped to the floor. Had I not been so amused in watching that big bear crumple to the ground, I would have looked at him in concerned sympathy. Been there, _felt_ that.

The Cullen's were instantly on guard, and Jasper had to hold Rose back from jumping Mirelle. Alice and Edward stared slack jawed at the raw power Mirelle exuded. Esme knelt down to look at Emmett who had recovered, and was now getting to his feet. Carlisle spoke, and it was the first time I had his voice in so very long.

"That was---" He was cut off by Emmett as he launched himself to his feet.

"Holy shit! I felt that in my ass! That was exhilarating! Could you do that again?" Mirelle, I knew, would not appreciate having her gift treated like it was something someone would want. I knew she would set her internal dial to 'fried crispy dead', and her arms were reaching out to strangle Emmett. Having no other choice I stepped into her reach and her tiny hands splayed across my back, at that same second, I used my shield to protect myself and push Emmett across the room.

"Bella, No!" Edward screamed and jumped into the fray to push me away. I raised a hand and used my force field to stop him dead in his tracks, as if he had run into glass. Alice herself screamed and Mirelle stopped almost as soon as she touched my back.

"It's fine" I said. "I didn't even feel it." I pulled my hair as if I was going to put in a ponytail and slide my hands down the plait, getting the static from Mirelle's little show. My hair snapped crackled and popped like that old cereal. "Now if you could all explain why you are here, uninvited, I might add, in my home, please do so, so you can leave it." I stated no nonsense. I then looked into the hurt eyes of the two people I thought would one day be my parents. My tenacity, my need to be strong and cold dwindled and I could feel my grasp on sanity slipping through my fingers. Well, shit. I guess I could be nice, and just loose myself in the music after they walked out of my life again. I sighed.

"I apologize, Carlisle, Esme. I do not wish to be rude. Please excuse me. It has been quite a long time indeed. You both look well." I held my hands together and my belly button, my fingers knitted together, they itched to slide across the ivory or the strings of my bullseye. That was how I dealt with stress. I felt delicate fingers unwind my twitchy digits and Esme hugged me for the first time in almost eighty years. I wanted to cringe away from it, to be the big bad Bella I needed to be so I can survive when they all leave me again. But I could not do it. I loved Mirelle, but this woman was a born mother. It felt so good. I'd regret it for years to come, but I could not help myself. I truly was a masochist.

"Oh Esme, how I have missed you." I breathed in her heavenly scent.

"And I you Bella dear. We all have. So much so, you have no idea child." She leaned out of the hug and kissed my forehead. I reached out my hands to Carlisle and he to, in turn took me into his arms and hugged me. Fuck I was sick.

"Bella I would love to discuss your gift, it is truly amazing. I have never seen anything like it. You as well, Mirelle was it? If you'd allow me to, I know someone who has a slightly similar gift, but not nearly as advanced or as strong as yours. Astounding." He smiled benignly at Mirelle, and she looked at me with death in her golden eyes. I pleaded her with my own. Not now sister, please. Sometimes I swore we were telepathic, as if we could hear each other's thoughts. I need this closure sister, please. I begged internally. She rolled her eyes just the tiniest bit, but relaxed her stance ever so slightly. She trusted my judgment. I really did not deserve her or Bryant or Dakota.

"If you wish, Carlisle was it? I have an office of sorts just down the hall where we can talk. I have never heard of another with a gift similar to mine, that is interesting, Esme, you are more than welcome to come with us." I knew Mirelle was giving me a chance to talk with the rest of them on my own. "Bella I hope you realize that Bry and Kota will be home soon because of your screaming. Let me know if you need back up, because you will." I nodded simply at her and Mirelle, Carlisle and Esme glided down to the end of the hall, where we had an office for meetings with managers and label executives about band things. All too soon I was standing by myself facing people I did not think I would ever see again…and Tanya. I had almost forgotten about her.

Tanya leaned lazily against my piano and was examining her nails, as if she was bored of the entire production. I could handle her obvious disgust of me, but I would not let her so casually abuse my favorite possessions.

"If you could Tanya, please stop leaning on my piano. It is very important to me, and I would greatly appreciate it if you did not use it as carelessly as a couch. If you wish to sit down we have many a device for doing just so." I said and extended my arm around the open room to the assorted black white and gray furniture. She raised her lip in suppressed anger and huffed.

"I really don't have to _do_ anything, Bella." She said my name as if it literally caused her pain. "How long are we going to be here anyways?" She asked the question to the Cullen's but more specifically Edward, I noticed.

"As long as we want, Tanya. If you want, you can go back to the hotel." Alice clipped at her. Tanya hissed in her throat and threw herself into the nearest chaise lounge, and draped her body sexily across it; I would never be able to look like that. Bitch. If she had just heard the words in my head she smiled evilly at me and adjusted her ample chest in her dress. Double Bitch.

"Your home is beautiful Bella. Very homey. Not unlike another home I used to know." Rose tinkled at me, not unkindly. Her smile was warm and it made me edgy.

"Yes. Thank you Rose. I know what you are implying, and if it is similar, the décor gaff was unintentional. I did not decorate it. None of us did. The studio rented us this house while we are here in Los Angeles recording and doing some promotional business. Whites blacks and grays seem to be in vogue, or so I hear." I smiled lightly at her and the whole group, minus Tanya chortled. It was widely remembered that I was not the most stylish person. "You're welcome to look around if you like. This is the main level, there's the kitchen, dining room, entertainment room and office on this level. The bottom floor is an in home gym, small salon, and second entertainment area. The top floor holds Mirelle and Bryant's room, Dakota's, Mine and a music room. The attic is just storage. You can take a peek at our garage as well, just don't remove the tarp over my bike, I haven't even driven her yet." With the mention of a garage Rose excused herself to go check it out. Emmett was intrigued by the gym, boasting that there isn't not anything in there he could not lift. Jasper excused himself to go look in the downstairs entertainment area. That left me with Edward, Alice and Tanya.

"Alice, I have a walk in closet now. You may just be impressed with me." I lightly laughed at her and she smiled back, and made to move, but slowly, even for a human. "I know Alice; you want to chat with me. I'll meet you in the music room." She smiled and nodded and made her exit. Okay I can do this, I could. I sighed heavily and went to sit at my piano bench. I pretended Tanya did not exist. Edward came and sat next to me. The silence was very heavy.

"You were extraordinary tonight Bella. I had no idea you could play or sing." Edward started.

"I couldn't. I had a lot of free time on my hands after I became a vampire. Bryant taught me guitar and I picked up the piano pretty fast. It's a nice distraction." I winced at the word. My shattered heart crumbled a little bit more, and Edward's eyes widened.

"Bella, no. Please listen to me. I--" I cut him off.

"Edward. It's fine. It was a long time ago. I know, I get it. You have Tanya now. I'm glad you are happy. really. I wasn't the right person. It's fine. I'm going to go find Alice now." I got up and ran, ignoring Edward's sputtering for me to come back, and Tanya's low chuckle. I made my way past my room smelling the air trying to get a hang of where Alice was. I smelled her and she was indeed in the music room, waiting for me. I had not even gotten through the doorway when Alice attacked me, all smiles and hugs.

"Oh Bella! I missed you so much! My sister! My best friend! You were so amazing tonight Bella. I couldn't believe my eyes. Your taste in clothing has gotten much better by the way, I am very impressed. I might have to steal a few things when you aren't looking." She said in a fast rush, just like the old Alice. I couldn't help it, I laughed.

"I did miss that Alice." I said and she looked at me confused. "Your energy. It's contagious. I'm finding it hard to be moody Bella with you here." Her eyebrows creased together when I said 'Moody Bella', but she let it go. I was thankful for that, as it was a slip of the tongue. I didn't want any of them to know how I was still lost and hurt. It did not do to dwell on things that could be changed.

"Can I ask you a favor Bella?" Alice asked timidly.

"Sure. Anything. What's up?" I asked.

"Could you play me something? The first song you were working on tonight? It was beautiful. Is it just a song for piano or are there lyrics for it?" Oh, that song.

"I'd love to play it for you Alice. I'm going to put that one into the record. If you don't mind, I'd like to record it as I play, so I can send it to the record execs to put it in the CD." She shook her head as she didn't mind. I eased my heels off and handed them to her. She smiled and cradled them in her arms like a baby. I pointed for her to sit in one of the bean bags we had in the room and I went to turn on the recording devices. "I'm going to ask that you stay quiet so I don't get your voice on the recording." She nodded her head and I sat at the second piano in the house, the one that had the microphone attached to it so I could sing. I sat down and tossed my hair over one shoulder. I inhaled and began the piano and words starting at the same time.

_I don't know what I've done  
Or if I like what I've begun  
But something told me to run  
And honey you know me it's all or none_

There were sounds in my head  
LIttle voices whispering  
That I should go and this should end  
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should

It was painfully true. I was unsure of who I was without Edward, even as a human, I was obsessed merely by his presence. I would now have to learn, as he had moved on.

_  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

I did not think that was altogether true. No one could love Edward more than I did. Do. Never would there being another sentient being that would love him as much as I do.

I strummed the ivory mindlessly and this song felt so right, yet it hurt me so much to sing and play, knowing everyone in the house, Including Edward and Tanya could hear. I'm sure this made her very happy indeed.

See I thought love was black and white  
That it was wrong or it was right  
But you ain't leaving without a fight

Part of me, a really large piece actually, wanted Edward to leave Tanya for me. To fight for me, like I had fought myself for sanity. I wanted him to show me that he wanted me as badly as I needed him. And I knew he wouldn't.

_  
And I think I am just as torn inside_

I changed the last line at that exact moment. I suddenly did not know what I felt, or what I could let myself feel.

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all

It was true. If ever he needed me, I would go to hell and back, fight to the ends of the earth to help.

_  
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
This is what I have to do_

I knew everyone in the house knew this was true. Edward was the most important anything my life had ever had. As a human, my life was consumed by him, and with immortality, he was like a dream or a nightmare I could not wake up from.

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood  
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

I finished the song on a low note and Alice sat there stunned. I clicked the stop button on the recording remote.

"Well. I really didn't think those would be the lyrics to that particular song Bella." Alice said after some time. It was like there was a collective cloak of utter shock surrounding the house and all of its inhabitants. Before I could collect a response suitable, I heard the front door slam open, crunching into the wall and falling, its hinges being ripped off when it opened.

"What the FUCK is going on here?" Oh Jesus, Dakota. "You! What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Kota yell at who I had to assume was Edward. Crap. Lightening, thunder and monsoon like rain started all at once. Double crap. I tore my eyes away from Alice's wide ones and tore down the hallway and down the stairs.

I saw Dakota first and he looked about ready to spit nails, in Edward's general direction. Edward just stood there; I could only assume he was going to take whatever beaten Dakota threw at him, thinking he deserved it. I hated, HATED mediating.

"Dakota, it's okay. They just heard me scream and wanted to make sure I was alright. No harm, no foul." I reasoned with Dakota.

"No foul Bella? Are you kidding me? After everything they, _HE_ has done to you? They left you without so much as a goodbye, not caring what happened to you. And HIM! He left you broken and bleeding in those fucking woods. He didn't fucking care then, and he doesn't fucking care now. I will not stand by and watch you die just so he can get his shits and giggles. I can't watch you go through it Bells, I can't. I care too much." I tilted my head to the side. Why in the hell could I not love this boy? He was so obviously in love with me, and yet I could not return that love to him. He was so protective and considerate of me. Yeah, he had a quick fuse, but it was because he cared. Why did I still have to love a person who I could plainly see had moved on? Christ.

"Oh Kota." I said and cupped his cheek with my hand. He leaned into the touch and I had to stop myself from backing away. "Don't worry. They were going to be leaving soon. They just wanted to make sure I was okay. I mean really, who here has cried tears of blood? I'm sorry it scared me." I turned to where Carlisle was, leaning against the doorway. "Carlisle, do you have any idea why that happened? I've never heard of such a thing."

Carlisle creased his eyebrows, as if he did not want to speak the answer to my question. He straightened himself and walked more towards the center of the room where Dakota Edward and I were.

"I have actually only heard of It in very few circumstances. I have never witnessed it before. The story that makes the most sense is that there were once two vampires, one male and one female, mates obviously that were very much in love. They were completely intertwined; they finished each other's sentences. They traveled the world together over hundreds of years. Then one day, while the female went to hunt, the male was attacked by another vampire bent on revenge. The female came back to find her love torn to pieces and all that was left was a dying fire and thick billowing lavender smoke. She sank to the ground as her heart shattered and cried tears of blood. They are called The Heart's Tears. When there is such a great love, and for some reason those two cannot be together, the soul cannot stand the strain, the physical pain of not being together. So they shed the only kind of tears our kind can shed. Tears of pure love."

There was a silence so loud in the house that I swear I could hear all the way to downtown LA. Christ. I had to open my big fat dead mouth. All eyes swiveled to me, and then there was nothing but a heinous growl.

"You bitch!" Tanya yelled as she launched herself at me, fingers curled like claws. Her hands grabbed me by the neck and took me to the ground. I grabbed handfuls of her strawberry blonde hair and jabbed my foot into her midsection. I curled my toes into the material of her dress and using her hair as leverage I launched her over my body and flat on her ass, rattling the glass of the windows. I stood straight and without a look back I ran out the door and into the storm.

"Hey are you all ready for night number two? Let's give it up, once again for A Beautiful Nightmare!" We all walked on to the stage, to a very loud rambunctious applause. I knew that somewhere in that crowd was every single Cullen, and possibly Tanya. Joy. I had walked into the back room at The Whiskey about a half an hour before we were to go on, and my family was slightly pissed off, but more concerned about me. Mirelle had brought me my outfit that I was going to wear tonight, and I had to give her credit for giving me such a cute ensemble. It was a fitted 'Viva La Rock' fitted tee shirt, and a gray mini skirt suspender dress. She had brought cute black converse flats and black gray and white gingham patterned leggings. With that were red heart earrings she had paired with a red ball necklace and a black ball necklace that had a large black skill on the end of it. All together very cute. Mirelle said that she was inspired by the eighties tonight and had found the cutest little dress. It had a black bustier top, and it cinched sharply at the waist with a slender black belt, the bottom was a deep green color and outrageously sparkly. She had on ankle boots with a slender heel. Black lace fingerless gloves adorned her hands and her ears were decorated with double ball black and white drop earrings. Her neck was this simple multi tired silver chain and black ball necklace. I walked up to the mic with my guitar in hand and got the show started.

"Hey! We know why we're here; you know why you're here, so let's rock the shit out of this place! This song is called 'Goodbye to You!" This song was one of our most upbeat songs; it was even a little poppy techno and a huge dance song. This song was sure to be in all the clubs.

_Those times I waited for you seem so long ago  
I wanted you far too much to ever let you go  
You know you never got by "I feel it too"  
And I guess I never could stand to lose  
It's such a pity to say_

Mirelle jumped up to her mic and sang the choruses with me.

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you

Goodbye Edward. Goodbye Alice. Good by Emmett. Goodbye Cullens.

How Could I have loved someone like the one I see in you  
Now remember the good times baby now, and the bad times too  
These last few weeks of holding on  
The days are dull, the nights are long  
Guess it's better to say

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you

'Cause baby it's over now  
No need to talk about it  
It's not the same  
My love for you is just not the same  
And my heart, and my heart  
And my heart can't stand the strain  
And my love, and my love  
And my love...

How Ironic after last night that the song I had written was about love and hearts not being able to take the strain and pain.

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you

How Could I have loved someone like the one I see in you  
Now remember the good times baby now, and the bad times too  
These last few weeks of holding on  
The days are dull, the nights are long  
Guess it's better to say

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to you

OOOHHHHHHHHH!

Goodbye to you

I never dared to look up. I just physically could not. I leaned into the mic once more. "This next one is called 'I Caught Myself'! Let me hear some noise LA!" With that the crowd screamed and Bryant strummed his guitar for the beginning of the song, and Dakota followed on the drums.

_Down to you,  
You're pushing and pulling me down to you.  
But I don't know what I,  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself.  
From saying something that I should have never thought._

Like what? Oh I don't know. I love you. Leave her. Love me. Stupid stupid thought.

_  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself.  
From saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you._

You're pushing and pulling me down to you,  
But I don't know what I want,  
No I don't know what I want.

Lies. I knew what I wanted then, and I still know what I want. I wanted Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

You got it, you got it,  
Some kind of magic.  
Hypnotic, hypnotic,  
You're leaving me breathless.  
I hate this, I hate this,  
You're not the one I believe in.  
With God as my witness.

It was magic. I was horrendously hypnotized by a man I hadn't seen in almost eighty years. Could I have really shed Heart's Tears? I must have, I trusted Carlisle's words implicitly. How did Edward feel about my shedding those tears? We all knew what Tanya felt on the situation. Fuck I'm being stupid.

_  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,  
From saying something that I should have never thought.  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,  
From saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you._

You're pushing and pulling me down to you.  
But I don't know what I want.  
No I don't know what I want.

Don't know what I want.  
But I know it's not you.  
Keep pushing and pulling me down,  
But I know in my heart it's not you.

Lies. I wanted him. I have always wanted him, from the first time I met him, on my first day in Forks. My heart told us all last night who I wanted. Too bad that person didn't want me in return. This was like one of those completely silly soap operas Dakota was obsessed with, even though he would admit that to no one, not even if death was the only other option.  
_  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,  
From saying something that I should have never thought.  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,  
From saying something that I should have never thought of you.  
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you.  
I know but now I know what I want, I want, I want,  
Oh no, I should have never thought._

I was a fool. I looked up. Stupid stupid Bella. I looked up, I didn't even look to the same table, yet there they were. All of them, including Carlisle, Esme and Tanya. I wonder who dragged her ass here. It was obvious she didn't want to be here, and if I was being honest with myself, I didn't want her here either. God, it was like he wanted to shove this shit in my face. Bastard. Then again, I was slamming this pain into his beautiful gorgeous face.

"Were going to slow it down for a minute, and I want you all to groove and to enjoy this. I'm going to bring my acoustic out here, and play for you, 'Man Who Stole My World'. So here we go." I love my acoustic guitar. She was this beautiful vintage Gibson that had doves inlaid in the neck, as well as the face plate. God, she was just beautiful, and she was going to help me with the song she and I had written one night. Bryant started the song with a guitar interlude and Dakota sat back somewhat since this was an easy song to play drum wise.

_We passed upon the stairs,  
We spoke of was and when  
Although I wasn't there  
He said I was his friend_

He told me a long time ago it wouldn't even be a good idea to be his friend. And here I was again, looking for more than he was willing to give.

_  
Which came as a surprise  
I spoke into his eyes -- I thought you died alone  
A long long time ago_

The vampires in the audience loved it when we infused lyrics that were so obviously meant for vampires to hear. It made them feel like we were speaking directly to them.

_Oh no, not me,  
We never lost control,  
I'm face to face,  
With the man who stole my world_

It was true. We had never lost control. He never let us. Maybe that was the problem. Edward wanted a more physical relationship than he wanted to have with me. I was far too fragile, far too human.

_I laughed and shook his hand,  
I made my way back home,  
I searched for form and land,  
Years and years I roamed,  
I gazed a gazely stare,  
We walked a million hills -- I must have died alone,  
A long long time ago._

I did. I died alone, painfully, slowly. It felt like thousands of years ago.

Who knows, not me,  
I never lost control,  
I'm face, to face,  
With the man who stole my world.

The song ended with a long electric and acoustic guitar section and simple snare hits for Dakota. The song ended and the crowd applauded. I looked up and saw directly into the eyes of the man who had indeed stolen my world. His eyes quickly left mine, and stared down at his drink in shame. Ha! Take that!

"For the next song, Bryant is going to take over lead vocals." I said as I set my acoustic on the guitar holder after replacing my bullseye. This next one is called 'Right Side of the Bed'. Bryant and I started with the guitars together while Dakota started at the snare and double bass. This song was unlike any of our others as Bryant screamed it. I just did not have the raw power he had.

_Come on_

I can see her now  
Dancing around her drink in hand  
All her baggage in tow  
I just want to forget and let go  
Of all the joy, the pain  
I took your guilt and placed it into me  
And now I kiss it goodbye  
Our last dance ended fatally

_  
_Dakota and I sang the choruses, our voices blended well together. This song was just such high energy. I loved it.

_  
Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?  
Have you ever cried so hard?  
Baby you just died (You just died) _

After last night, I truly understood the words of my own song. I cried so hard my heart bleed through my eyes. I was dead, and my dead heart was crying out for its mate, its life. Screw.

_  
Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?  
Have you ever cried so hard?  
Have you ever cried so hard?_

There were so many days after he left, the few I had as a human that I cried all the fucking time. I had nightmares. Charlie tried to have me committed. I knew about crying hard_._

There she goes again  
Another masquerade in false circumstance  
She'll fuck you just for the taste  
I just wish that I could replace  
All the memories of what makes my blood run cold  
As your blood runs through me  
I say goodbye to what we had

Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?  
Have you ever cried so hard?  
Baby you just died (You just died)  
Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?  
Will you ever cry so hard?  
Will you ever cry so hard?

She came and went  
I gnawed through my lip  
Makeup smeared in her eyes  
Each sob's a reason to say goodbye  
Sometimes when you're holding on you never see the light

I had been in the darkness for such a long time. I remember Edward telling me that he had felt that way until he had met me. And now, I was in the same boat.

With flowers in her hair  
Gazed upon with dead lovers eyes  
She never looked so good  
And I never felt so right  
With flowers in her hair  
Gazed upon with dead lovers eyes  
She never looked so good  
And I never felt so right  
Never felt so right  
I never felt so wrong

Bryant whispered the next part of the song. He loved singing this song, and it showed in his performance. He was a wild man. Bryant, usually so calm, was throwing his head around and egging the crowd on. I saw Mirelle look at him, and I nearly forgot what I was doing I saw so much love directed at him. Fuck, I was so fucking jealous.

With flowers in her hair  
Gazed upon with dead lover's eyes  
She never looked so good  
And I never felt so right

Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?  
Have you ever cried so hard?  
Baby you just died (You just died)  
Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?  
Will you ever cry so hard?  
Will you ever cry so hard?

You just died!

"Alright guys, this next song will be our last for the evening. If you liked the songs you've heard, go out and buy the album. Listen for us tomorrow at one PM on Kiss Fm with Kasten Klaibor. We will be talking about our new album, the video we will be shooting for our first single and whatever else Klaibor throws at us! So here we go, our last song of the evening, it's called "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)! Goodnight everyone!" The song started off with me doing a quick little solo with my bullseye with Dakota quickly following.

_Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.  
I never want to let you down or have you go, its better off this way.  
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your girlfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?_

The pictures he stole, I remember that quite clearly. The ones of us from when we were still happy, or I should say when HE was still happy. I was always few simple pictures on my eighteenth birthday before my world shattered around my feet…

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

And really, I never would be.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means  
(I'm not okay)  
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

Bryant and I leaned together to do the solo, even though he was much much taller than I am. This all was such a rush, being up here having people sympathize to my music. Human and vampire alike, we have all been fucked over at some point.

Forget about the dirty looks  
The photographs your girlfriend took  
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay  
I'm okay!  
I'm okay, now  
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me  
Because I'm telling you the truth  
I mean this, I'm okay!

Bryant kissed the side of my head, pushing it out of the way at the same time so he could say the next line.

_  
(Trust Me)_

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay  
I'm not o-fucking-kay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
(Okay)

The crowd went wild and we jumped off stage so the techs could bring out the large baby grand piano for the encore I had prepared for the night. I wasn't going to need my family tonight. I had prepared a song that was entirely a piano composition. I was not sure of the reaction of the audience would give, but tonight wasn't about them. I was even more on edge to have the Cullen's hear me tonight, even more so now what with Carlisle and Esme being here tonight, but it still was not even more about them. Tonight was about me. Tonight I would sit out there, solo, and say goodbye. Goodbye to a family I had once loved, so long ago. Goodbye to holding on to something that was so painfully obliviously not there anymore. Goodbye to the love of my existence, goodbye to my Edward.

"Hey everyone. This is the encore for the evening. It's going to be a little bit different tonight. It's just me tonight. Mirelle, Dakota and Bryant are allowing me to perform a solo piano composition. As most of you know, A Beautiful Nightmare was created with the sole purpose of getting back at my ex-boyfriend. I was destroyed and I started writing the songs for our first CD after he left me. I think you all can see that I have grown since our first album and have started writing songs about getting over it. It is also to my understanding that my ex is actually in the audience tonight." There were screams of "No!" and boos that filled the room. "Now, relax everyone. I no longer hold any resentment towards him. I merely wanted to acknowledge his presence. So, this song is dedicated to you, and it's called 'Almost Lover'. So, goodbye."

The tune began softly…

_Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick_

_Well, I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me_

_  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

_We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
Images  
And when you left, you kissed my lips  
You told me you would never, never forget  
These images_

_No_

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me_

_  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

_I cannot go to the ocean  
I cannot drive the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind  
So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that  
Easy to walk right in and out  
Of my life?_

_  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should have known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

By the end of the song I was dry sobbing as I sang. I could not cry, but any fool could see that I was holding something in. My fingers hit the final keys as my shoulders began to shake as I forced myself to not scream out loud. My head was bowed as I felt liquid slide down my cheek. I saw a spatter of blood on the white ivory of my piano and my lips trembled. I raised my head as the lights went out and whispered, "Oh god, not again." as the blood fell from my eyes. I could sense it made some of the other vampires nervous. I was sure none of the humans had seen the blood, but I was very certain that there were eight pairs of eyes that would notice and react, in some way or another. Shit. I say goodbye but my tumultuous emotions have failed me once again.

I ran off stage to the applause of the entire room and went to the back room where my family was waiting for me with open arms. I ran into Mirelle and she held me once again, shushing me and rocking me.

"What's going to happen to me Miry?" I whimpered looking at her, the blood once again falling from my golden eyes.

"I really don't know Bella Baby. But we'll figure it out. We're not going to let you do this alone, I promise you that." Before Mirelle could comfort me more there was a loud crash from the other room startled us all. The boys were instantly on guard. Before any of us could decide what to do, a smooth velvet voice fraught with agony flitted through the room.

"Calm down, CALM down Alice? Did you hear her tonight? Did you see her? Are you blind? Are you able to see the catastrophic damage I have done? Blood, Alice. She's crying blood again. What the hell is wrong with her? What have I done? Carlisle?" I heard his ask his father for an answer; I listened intently, as I wanted to know the answer as well.

"Really Edward, I don't have an answer, or at least one you'd like to hear. I don't know much about the phenomenon. As you can guess, it is very rare. However, in my years in Italy, I had opulent time to study our race. The theory of Heart's Tears is that is the proof of a soul. Its one soul, looking for its mate. Crying out for that soul that completes them."

"And what happens Carlisle if those two souls cannot find one another?" Edward asked and I could just see him on the very edge of his chair asking the man he considered to be his father. Carlisle was silent for a long time and it made me very nervous, as it was my fate that hung in the balance. Carlisle heaved a great sigh and whispered two words. Two words that we shouldn't fear as a vampire, but for some reason, I was sure he didn't mean what we already were, but something far worse.

"_Morte eterna." _

Tanya POV

God, I was so sick of hearing about this bitch. Jesus, it's not like she's special or anything. And no matter how hard I tried, Edward still had some sick connection to her. But what Carlisle said was very interesting. If I had anything to say about it, she would definitely be _morti._

**AN- So how was that? I know it's short, but I wanted to get something out to you after my deathbed mantra. I have some ideas up on my noggin for the next few chapters, and I promise that it will get a lot better. Please as always, let me know what you think. And just so you know, Kasten Klaibor is my version of Ryan Seacrest, so be prepared for witty gay banter. Love you all!**


	4. Bye Bye Blondie

AN- Okay, this chapter was never supposed to be written this way, but I saw a lot of people has questions, and I like to think ask, and ye shalt receive. So here is chapter four! Oh, the songs in this particular chapter are _Rise Above This_ by Seether, _Hate (I Really Don't Like You)_ by Plain White T's and _Niki FM_ by Hawthorne Heights. Seriously, read the lyrics to that song, it was like Edward Cullen wrote that shit!

EPOV

I have no idea how something that seemed so effortless, even when I had to control myself so often to not kill her could become so damn complicated. Even when I had to keep myself in check, we fit together so fluidly, as if we were meant to be. I had told her so long ago that she had no idea how long I've waited for her, and that was simple truth, now she understood as well. How could I have thought she had died all those years ago? You would think that somewhere in the recesses of my dead black heart, I would know she was alive, well in some form anyways. You would think my heart would know. I had told her that year's just slide by for our kind, like seconds for hers. That was a lie too. These past seventy five years have been the slowest form of death, or life, that I never thought would be possible.

And now, I see her, hear her, My Bella still lives, and every step I take, every word I say, every action I make is the wrong one. I have never felt this stupid in all of my life. I think back to the past two nights, and there is nothing positive to say about any of it. The first mistake was a rather gargantuan one.

Tanya. She was a nice girl, and I enjoyed her company on a friendly level, but I have known for years, even before Bella was born that she has wanted more. Even before Bella had wormed herself into my life, and my heart, I knew Tanya would never be more than my friend, a cousin of sorts, as our families are close. That's how I got into this current position. A few years ago, maybe four or so, we visited the extended family in Alaska, and Tanya saw this as her chance. I should have realized I was, how the kids used to say, screwed as soon as I got in hearing range of her…

FLASHBACK CIRCA 2079

We pulled up the long drive into the trees of the Alaskan forests to the huge log cabin that housed the Denali Coven.

"_I think this is it. It's been so long since I've seen him, and even longer since he's seen her. She's dead somewhere, in the ground, rotting away. Edward has never looked at me more than as a sister or other relative. Here's my chance for more. Oh, shit, they'll be here soon, I better stop all this thinking! Here I come Edward Cullen!"_

I couldn't help myself, the corners on my mouth quirked up just the tiniest bit. I would never feel for Tanya the way she obviously felt for me. It just was not possible. My heart had died in 1918, but it was stolen from me in 2007. I never did get it back. My heart was where Tanya said she was. My Bella. Somewhere in the ground, rotting away. That comment did bother me a lot. I did not like to think of Bella that way, but it was the truth. She had died not long after we left, I didn't know much about it really. Charlie woke up one morning to find that Bella was not in the house; he walked to her room and inside found a bloodbath. Blood was everywhere. Her bed was destroyed; her furniture was everywhere, books and papers. Her body was never found. I blamed myself for that. Had I not been so stupid and left my fragile love to the inhumane world, she would have gone on to have a life, a husband and family. Everything I could never be, and never give her.

PRESENT TIME

I never knew that Tanya had a gift. She never let on that she did. It was a weaker gift, and by that I mean, she did not have a lot of influence over it. It was not like my being able to read minds. I could hear people from a great distance. It was not like Jasper's ability to swirl you in the emotion of his choice, and envelope one like a caressing lover. Tanya could influence people to do her bidding, but it came in bursts and twinges and it could easily be pushed off of you, like grains of sand on the skin, but if you were weak enough, susceptible, it could get to you.

While I never let Tanya get close enough to get myself thoroughly wrapped up in her, I never did realize how persistent she could be. I never saw the anger behind her luminescent eyes. I never saw the rage behind her warm benign smile. I never knew, of course until it was too late. And not even Alice could have seen what was coming. None of us would know for some time.

JASPER POV

Some days it's difficult to be around people. It is so easy for me to get overwhelmed by everyone's emotions. The closer I am to the person, makes it even harder to bear if the emotions are unhappy or hurtful. Lately, I have been subjected to a tidal wave. Edward has been worse in the past forty eight hours or so than he has in the past almost eighty years, and here I thought it couldn't get any worse than the early days after his leaving Bella. Had I been able to shed a human tear, I would have feeling the abject misery radiating off of the sorry stupid fool. Having to be around him as he heard Bella bleed herself dry with her songs hurt me grievously.

_'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

I remember being downstairs in the theater room when Bella sang that song in her home. I knew that Alice was with her, and I could tell from Alice's confusion that that was not the type of song she was envisioning when we all heard Bella playing the piano without the lyrics. I instantly overcome by wave after wave of crippling misery. Edward. I was also filled with a sense of…I was not even sure how to describe something so heartbreaking. Pain, confusion, hopelessness, it was all there. Bella. It had to be. No one else here could have all of that radiating off of them. I knew then, at that moment, she still loved Edward. If this wasn't all so completely screwed up, I would have smiled. Before I could analyze anymore, I was over taken by a rage so very powerful I careened into the wall leaving a sizeable dent. Dakota. The other man. What was he to Bella? I couldn't get a good reading. I darted up the stairs to the main floor to hopefully smooth over some of the anger before anyone lost their cool…or a limb.

_No need to talk about it  
It's not the same  
My love for you is just not the same  
And my heart, and my heart  
And my heart can't stand the strain  
And my love, and my love  
And my love..._

_You got it, you got it,  
Some kind of magic.  
Hypnotic, hypnotic,  
You're leaving me breathless.  
I hate this, I hate this,  
You're not the one I believe in.  
With God as my witness._

_Oh no, not me,  
We never lost control,  
I'm face to face,  
With the man who stole my world_

_Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick_

_Well, I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me_

_  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

It was as if every song Bella wrote was meant to stab yet another knife into Edward's heart. I really can't blame the girl for it though. I mean, we all failed her in a huge way, especially Edward. It was hard to listen to, but even harder to feel. I did however feel her joy at being on stage. It was contagious. I concentrated on someone else besides Bella and my family, so I gravitated towards Tanya for a brief moment and was shocked to feel undiluted rage snapping off of her. This confused me. What was there for Tanya to be angry about? Did she not know that Edward would never love her the way she loved him. He never lead her on, never made her think that anything was going to come of it, yet still, she had these naive allusions that someday he would come to his senses. I never felt it coming…

BPOV

"Hello LA. This is Kasten Klaibor with some very special guests today. I have the exclusive, as it seems I always do. With us today we have notoriously press shy A Beautiful Nightmare, Izzy Sparrow, Mirelle Davidson-Chatham, Bryant Chatham and Dakota Gray. Your last Album _Flying on Broken Wings_ was an outrageous success. Very few new artists or bands get that kind of recognition. Why do you think that audiences have taken such a shine to you?"

"Music is pretty much like real estate Kasten. Location, location, location. No matter what, there are three things that you can always count on in life. Birth, death and heartbreak. There is really only one thing I feel qualified to write and sing about, and that is having my heart ripped out of my chest." I stated calmly.

"Right. You are always very mum on that particular topicIzzy. Why is that?" Klaibor asked a very persistent look in his weasely blue eyes.

"Well, it's really hard to talk about Kasten."

"What's the big deal Izzy? You rose above it! You took all the crap he put you through and became a huge success! You have thoroughly embarrassed him by trashing him in literally every song you have ever written! This guy got away with it all too! Tell the world about him, so no other girl will ever waste her time on him!" Oh that Kasten Klaibor was a sensational news media slut. It wasn't like Edward was just any boy in high school. And it wasn't like it happened a year or two ago. Screw this was difficult.

"I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of giving his name out, and giving his any media attention. But I will say this. That boy broke a young girl's heart. He left me that day, alone and broken. I spent weeks in a catatonic state, and then I died, broken and alone, bleeding for someone who never came, even though I cried out for him time and time again. I turned to music after Miry, Bry and Kota came into my life. They brought me back to life. Every day is an uphill battle for me to not loose myself and run away without looking back." I looked at him with the headphones on. He looked a little wowed and contrite, but I could tell it was a show.

"Alright then, no wonder you write the songs Izzy. You have a definite way with words. So your debut CD was all about being broken, lost, and confused and numerous other things that teenage girls go through. I heard from some of the fans that were at your shows over the past few days that this album is going to be more geared towards hate, and getting over it. You moved on from being miserable to being vindictive. Why?"

"You can't have the same mode of operation for your entire career. People will get bored of you. We had our heartbreak album, now we need our slightly more positive and upbeat album. Were just like a breakup. At first your messed up and shitty, oops , can't say shitty on the radio, can I? Sorry. Anyways, you're all miserable and depressed, and sooner or later you get over that particular hurdle you get angry. You get mad, and thus, **Immortal Words**." Mirelle countered, trying to get some of the attention off of me.

"What about you guys? Bryant, I know you contribute with songwriting. Why do you guys go along with the whole break up band scenario?"

"Why complain about a good thing Klaibor? The band is not just liked by females. Everyone goes through a bad break up. We are relatable to the male population too. But, you know, the amiable ladies aren't bad." Dakota laughed, waggling his think black eyebrows." However, there was menace in his gold eyes, and Kasten Klaibor was not stupid enough to not see it.

"Okay. This is Kasten Klaibor on air. We will be right back with A Beautiful Nightmare and they'll even do an acoustic version of their first single off of their upcoming album." A radio commercial starting playing and the group collectively took off their headphones.

"I can tell why you guys don't do a lot of press or radio or anything. You're not very good at it. Listeners want the dish, the gossip, the good stuff if you will."

"Listen Klaibor, we do this because our label expects us to. They don't care how happy we are as we do it. As long as record buyers hear us, their just fine with whatever we say. The more morose and depressed we sound, the more records we buy. Get over it." Bryant clipped and swiveled in his chair, going to grab his own acoustic. Bella grabbed her own acoustic from the previous night's show and walked over to the little area set up for them to do their acoustic version. Dakota wandered over to this large wooden box and sat upon it. He would not be using his drum kit, preferring to keep with the acoustic sound, and using the wooden box, more or less like a set of bongos. There really was not a lot for Mirelle to do, so she just went over to her stool and grabbed her rhythm shaker and settled herself elegantly.

"We're back with A Beautiful Nightmare. This will be the first time they have played this particular song. This will be the first song off of their new CD **Immortal Words **due out very soon. Without further adieu I give you; A Beautiful Nightmare with their first single; _Rise Above This_." Kasten said and pushed back from the counter, watching intently. Dakota started off the song, and Bryant and I came in with the acoustics.

_Take the light, and darken everything around me  
Call the clowns and listen closely, I'm lost without you  
Call your name every day when I feel so helpless  
I'm fallin' down but I'll rise above this, rise above this_

Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken  
For all we know, this void will grow and  
Everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open  
Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me

Call your name every day, when I feel so helpless  
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this  
Call your name every day, when I seem so helpless  
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt

I'll mend myself before it gets me  
(i'll mend myself before it gets me)  
I'll mend myself before it gets me  
(i'll mend myself before it gets me)

Call your name every day, when I seem so helpless  
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this  
Forty eight ways to say that I'm feelin' helpless  
I'm Fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, but I'll rise above this,  
rise above this, rise above this doubt.

EPOV

The family was settled around the radio, in different parts of the main room of the hotel room, listening to Bella and her coven play acoustically. It was beautiful torture and I relished every heart breaking moment of it. It did give me a certain feeling of twisted hope. She was saying that she was calling out for me. That would be all I could ever ask for. There was so much I wanted, no needed to tell her.

I looked over at Alice and her face was contemplative. She wasn't thinking anything out of the ordinary, yet I was still worried about what was going on in Alice's quirky little head. She was having a vision, and I attempted to tap into it. I saw a flash of myself sitting in front of a keyboard, singing, there was no sound, and the edges of it were fuzzy and wavy. I didn't know what to make of it, and apparently neither did Alice. From his office on the next floor, we all heard his lap top make a door bell ding dong type noise indicating that he had a new E-Mail. Normally Carlisle would not have reacted so, but as soon as the noise was heard he was out of his seat and out of the room, darting very quickly to his study. Interesting.

There was a momentary pause and then a sharp intake of breath. All of us were on our feet in seconds, but I got up there to that room far faster. Tanya was not here right now, she was out shopping, and I was glad to be rid of her.

"What is it Carlisle? What happened?"

"Something very interesting is going on. I got into touch with a few of my fellow colleagues. I think…" He trailed off and reached into the front pocket of his slacks to pull out his cell phone. He didn't press a programmed number into his phone, but pulled a number out of his head. We all heard it ring a few times and then a cautious and breathy greeting was heard.

"Hello. It's Carlisle, please, just listen. I think it is very pertinent that you meet us at our hotel. I am very much aware, and I completely understand your not wanting to come. However, I think it is in your best interest. I have found out some information that may be pertinent to you. I do also have a few questions for you. It can be just you and I if that makes you feel more comfortable. Shall we say nine this evening, as the sun is setting?" I heard just one simple word, quietly and slightly harassed. The word was yes. "Thank you. I will see you later this evening Bella. Until then." Carlisle closed his phone and was about to leave the room. I could not believe this! He knows her number! He has information he is keeping not only from me but her as well? What is his prerogative?

"Uh, Carlisle, care to explain?"

"I have come across some information that I would like to share with Bella. I think it's time we find out who changed her."

BPOV

To say that I was annoyed and confused would be quite the understatement. However, if there was one Cullen outside of Esme that I would listen to would be Carlisle. He was very knowledgeable, and while I really did not want him meddling in my business, it was kind of him to look into this tear business for me. Since the sun was still settling over the hills, the top to my Audi was up.

Some of my favorite music came out around the time of my death and right after. Since that was such a long time ago, no radio ever played it anymore. I had CD's up the wazoo, but the latest technology outside of iPods, which were still big surprisingly, were these little chips you stuck into your ear and made the music sound like a concert in your brain. I had my iPod hooked up into my car and was listening to The Plain White T's. Man, they had some songs I wish had written. It was a mix of my favorites. As I drove downtown one of my favorites came on.

_Love, love, love, love, love, love.  
Woo!_

You were everything I wanted.  
You were everything a girl could be.  
Then you left me brokenhearted,  
Now you don't mean a thing to me.  
All I wanted was your  
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

If that didn't sound like pathetic me, I don't know what does, but I'm trying to get better at it. I am trying to get over Edward Cullen. Fat chance of it ever happening, but one can hope.__

Hate is a strong word,  
but I really, really, really don't like you.  
Now that it's over  
I don't even know what I liked about you.  
Brought you around,  
and you just brought me down.  
Hate is a strong word,  
but I really, really, really don't like you.

I really don't like you...

Thought that everything was perfect,  
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?  
Thought you thought that I was worth it,  
Now I think a little differently.  
All I wanted was your  
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

Hate is a strong word,  
but i really, really, really don't like you. (I really don't like you)  
Now that it's over  
I don't even know what I liked about you. (liked about you)  
Brought you around,  
and you just brought me down.  
Hate is a strong word,  
but I really, really, really dont like you

Now that it's over,  
you can't hurt me.  
Now that it's over,  
you can't bring me down.

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh...)[x2]

All i wanted was your  
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

Hate is a strong word,  
but i really, really, really don't like you. (I really don't like you)  
Now that it's over  
I don't even know what I liked about you. (Liked about you)  
Brought you around,  
and you just brought me down.  
Hate is a strong word,  
but I really, really, really don't like you

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh...)

(I really don't like you...)

I pulled up to the valet of The Beverly Wilshire as the songs last strains played. I opened my door for the awestruck valet boy, and paused to grab my bag and unplug my iPod from the console. I plugged the ear buds in and climbed out of the car, making sure my fedora and large sunglasses were firmly in place. I smile at the kid and it seems he can still recognize me.

"Oh my god. Hello Miss Sparrow. I really like your music." I smile at him. Human fans were my favorite. They were so…alive. Hah. "Would you mind if I got your autograph for my girlfriend? She'd lose her freaking mind if I got her your autograph for our anniversary." I laughed out loud, and his eyes glazed over from the sound.

"Sure. Do you have a piece of paper? I've got a pen." He nodded and quickly grabbed his notebook he had been doing his homework on. I retrieved one of the pens from my purse. "What's her name?"

"Savannah." I smiled and scribbled something like 'To Savannah, keep rocking out! Love Always, Bella Sparrow." I handed the notebook back to him and he thanked me profusely. I waved as I entered into the hotel lobby and walked to the desk. I pulled an ear bud out of my ear to talk to the girl at the desk, I didn't need to to hear her, but it was a common courtesy.

"Hi. I'm here to meet with some…friends. The last name is Cullen, can you tell me what room they're in?" I asked, and pulled off my glasses to show my face. The girl at the desk did a double take as she typed away at the computer.

"Er, Miss Sparrow, the Cullen's are preferred guests. I have to call them to make sure that they are indeed expecting you." I nodded my understanding and leaned against the counter as she called up to their room. "Hello Mr. Cullen, this is Ariana down in reception, and I have a Miss Izzy Sparrow saying that she has an appointment with you, is that correct?" I heard Carlisle reply in the affirmative and I started to flick through my iPod once more. "Mr. Cullen is indeed expecting you Miss Sparrow. He also said to add you to the list of people allowed into their suite at al times. The Cullen's are in The Penthouse Suite. It's the fifteenth floor. Have a good evening Miss Sparrow. I settled my bag over my shoulder and made my way to the elevator. In the elevator, I toggled into my songs and pulled out another classic. I had always felt a deep connection to this song, and I never knew why. But as the elevator made its smooth way up to the fifteenth floor, I finally realized why. It was like this song was written from Edward's perspective when he had first met all those years ago.

_Let's go down now  
into the darkness  
of your thoughts  
hurry up now  
we're waiting for  
us to fall  
I fall to pieces now (I fall to pieces now)  
a broken mirror (I fall to pieces)  
in your life_

Silence in black and white  
falling forward as she walks toward the light

I KNOW  
I'm outside of your window with my radio

I sleep with one eye open so I can  
see you breathing (I sleep with one eye open)  
I follow your chest home  
Until I, (so I can see you breathing)  
I can see you, I can hear you breathe in exhale

Silence in black and white

I KNOW  
I'm outside of your window with my radio  
I KNOW  
I'm outside of your window with my radio

KNOW KNOW

I'm outside of your window  
with my radio (so I can see you breathing)  
I'm outside of your window  
with my radio (so I can see you breathing)  
I'm outside of your window (one eye open)  
with my radio (so I can see you breathing)

I'm outside of your window with my radio  
you are the only station  
you play the song I know  
you are the song I know

The doors opened and it was just a little foyer type area, it seemed that the entire floor was the Cullen's suite. Apparently my music was the best sort of announcement to my being there, because the door was pulled open by a wide eyed Edward Cullen. I tried my best to make my face impassive and neutral, and moved into the suite.

"What song is that Bella?" He asked, it was practically the longest sentence he had asked in my direction since the Cullen's have stumbled upon me. I was decided if I wanted to answer him or be a bitch, but as I was trying to not upset Carlisle or Esme, I gave in.

"_Niki FM_. It's by a band called Hawthorne Heights. It came out a few years before I moved to Forks." Good job Bella, I thought. You mentioned our mutual past without breaking down or anything that you'd regret later. "Is Carlisle here? I'm here to have a talk with him."

"I'm right here Bella. I just was not waiting by the door for the past two hours; you will have to forgive me." He smiled at me as he pulled me into a hug and I could see that over the top of my head he smirked at Edward, whom I heard growl.

"Bella dear! Lovely to see you again! I heard your radio show today, that Kasten Klaibor he's a…" Esme started, but stopped, at a loss for words and not wanting to say negative about anyone.

"Douche bag?" I supplied for her. She smiled, but I could sense she had not expected me to finish her sentence, at least in that manner.

"Something like that. I'd like to be the proper hostess and offer you a drink, however, I don't think that is necessary." She smiled at me again.

"Consider it offered Esme, thank you." I followed Carlisle and Esme into the main sitting room, with Edward trailing behind. It was a long hallway the ceilings curved and very elegant with astounding detail. The pillars followed us as we walked into the open area. Jasper and Emmett were watching some sports game—Lakers versus the Knicks if I knew my sports, which I didn't. Rosalie was on a laptop playing some sort of game, and Alice was sketching in a notepad. Tanya was on the balcony, the breeze blowing through her hair as she shot poison out of her eyes in my general direction.

"Bella there is a study off down this hallway, follow me."Carlisle said and I waved vaguely to everyone in greeting and followed. Upon my entering, Carlisle closed the door for privacy, but we both knew that it was a lost cause. Every occupant of this suite would hear everything I said, and that didn't make me feel very great. I had spent the entire time after Carlisle had called me reliving my past, and getting myself comfortable with it. Carlisle could sense my unease, however Jasper could not, since I had my shield up, and that did make me feel a little better.

"I'm sorry Bella, I do not wish to invoke any painful memories upon you--" I cut him off.

"It's alright Carlisle. I spent some time today thinking over it, and I've come to terms with it, it was a very long time ago."

"I have to ask Bella, who changed you? When did it happen?"

"About two months after you all high tailed it out of Forks." He winced at my choice of words, but I continued. "I was a horror to be around. Charlie worked around the clock so he didn't have to be around me. I was practically cationic, except for when I was sleeping. Charlie was actually called in to check on his own home because I was screaming so much in my sleep. I was a walking zombie in school. I was barely alive." I trailed off as I took an unnecessary breath, but it felt good to do something. Carlisle was staring at me; his fingers interlaced and his head was supported by his thumbs. His eyebrows were furrowed. I could hear Edward's pacing in the next room.

"One night, one of the few Charlie was there, I was in my room, just lying in my bed. I was just staring at the ceiling, I really wasn't sleeping, and I think I actually smiled that night, because not sleeping reminded me of what I would never be. What I wanted to be so bad, but I wasn't loved enough to be given such a gift. Anyways, it was after 2 a.m., which was the last time I remember looking at my clock, when I heard my window slide open. It seems silly now, but for jus the quickest second, I thought he had come back for me. Before I knew what was going on, there were two cold hands clawing into my throat, and my back was pinned to my wall and I was face to face with Victoria." I heard a few gasps and a hiss or two from the other room, but chose to ignore them. She gagged me so I couldn't scream, and wouldn't you know it Carlisle? I was happy at that moment. I knew she was going to kill me, and make it all go away. I wouldn't be feeling so crushed. I wouldn't be torturing Charlie anymore. I wouldn't be a problem for anyone anymore. I KNOW I smiled then, even with the gag in my mouth. She saw it. She knew I was hoping to die. She put it together that you all had left me. I guess she thought it would be a worse torture for me to live eternally without the person I loved, just like she had to. Did you know Victoria had a gift too? She could see people's worst nightmares. Anything that terrified you, made you scream, it was blasted into her mind like a movie screen. She saw the woods. She saw our meadow. Where Edward used to take me."

"Bella, why would meadows and trees terrify you?" Carlisle asked me confused.

"It was where I died the first time Carlisle, a few months previously. She used her nails and cut me many times to get the amount of blood necessary. She ripped through my bed, moved all my furniture around and scattered all my books and other things. Threw me over her shoulder and took me to the woods where Edward left me, and she bit me. She laughed at me and let me writhe. She just walked away. This death though, was less painful than the one I went through in September. This was just the death of my body. My heart and soul were killed earlier. Three days later I woke up, and knew what I had become. I had wished for death, but ended up with bitterly cruel immortality. I ran away, and hid in the Canadian wilderness for three years. That's when Mirelle and Bryant found me. They say I was practically a savage, I had forgotten how to speak. They saved me." I got up from the chair I had been sitting in for so long and went to the window and I wrapped my arms around myself.

"I'll give you a minute to collect yourself Bella. When you're ready, meet me out in the other room, so I can tell you and everyone else what I have learned." I nodded and Carlisle left the room, leaving me to my thoughts.

APOV

Oh, poor Bella, to be alone when you die, I knew what that felt like. I think I'm the only one here who really actually knows what that feels like.

Her story made me so sad. I could make up the mental images when Bella was talking about how she was after we all deserted her. I never wanted to. I was so mad at Edward for making us leave, but even more so because he wouldn't even let me say goodbye! I didn't talk to him for six straight years, and even now, after all this time; it still wasn't the same with us. How could it be? He made us leave a little sister and daughter behind. Stupid, selfish, idiot brother of mine!

I watched Bella walk out of the study, fully aware that she knew we had all heard. She kept her head bowed, allowing her hair to tumble around her face, like she did when she was human, at least some things don't change, and for that I was glad. Maybe somehow, all of this will work out in the end, after all my scheming to get us here, it better. I want my sister and best friend back!

BPOV

I didn't want anyone to start talking about my change, so I looked right to Carlisle after walking into the room.

"Alright Carlisle, what's up?"

"I got in touch with a few friends of mine in Italy, more specifically, Aro. He seemed very impressed with you Bella when I spoke of your gift. He said he has heard of shields before, but none as strong of yours. He was very interested in meeting you someday. I asked him after Edward came to me for guidance. He said, that when you were having your…episodes, that your gift blocked everyone of our thoughts. For the first time since becoming a vampire, Edward was a mute. It brought up some concerns for me. Aro was astounded that your power was so great when I explained what had happened. It seems Bella that when you become over wrought or emotional your powers spiral, and you suck the powers of everyone around you, it could even be possible for you to absorb their powers and use them to your own advantage."

_EPOV _

_Sometime after Bella had left, I went back to my bedroom to mull over what had transpired. Before I could do so, I saw a letter at the bedside table with my name on it, I picked it up and read._

_Edward,_

_I'm leaving. I can't take this anymore. I love you, so much, and it hurts me that you will never feel the same way. I need time to be alone, please don't come looking for me._

_Tanya_

Oh thank God! This might just be the chance I need with Bella! I walked out of my room to tell my family the good news, never even stopping to think why. I would so regret that later on.

AN- So this isn't nearly as long a chapter as usual, but I have to go to work! On the upside, MY FIRST CLIFFHANGER!...of sorts. Hah. I'm expecting many comments on how much you hate me when I return home!!! I promise that I'll update soon!


	5. The Right Thing With Freddy

**AN- Sorry for the delay in getting something out to you guys. I just very briefly want to answer one question I have been getting a lot, and I tried explaining it in the previous chapter but I guess I did not go into enough detail. **_**Why can't Edward hear Tanya's evil harpy thoughts? **_** The answer to that is because of Bella. Bella has always been a deaf mute here Edward is concerned. With her powers spiking wildly out of control because of The Blood Tears, she has been rippling waves of her shield off onto people at sporadic times, Tanya being one of them. I briefly explained this during Bye Bye Blondie when Carlisle was briefing the whole group, but no worries, there is the answer. Alright. In this chapter I sampled from; Cascada '**_**What Hurts the Most'**_**, as well as September's '**_**Cry'**_**. William Shakespeare makes a cameo in this chapter with a small excerpt from ****Romeo and Juliet****. Finally, I have Taylor Swift's '**_**White Horse**_**' somewhere in there. And even though I don't like doing it, you guys all get a little more EPOV. There were a lot of people asking for more Edward. I wanted this entire story to be BPOV, but I just want this to be something that people like to read. I also stole the rhyme from the Freddy Movie. This would have been up earlier, but I was unable to long on because of some technical glitch on . Poop. On with the Show!**

BPOV

I left as soon as Carlisle was done talking. It just hurts way too much to be around them. It was akin to standing in front of a wrecking ball and not moving out of the way. You knew it was going to hurt you, kill you when it hit you, yet you still for some you didn't move out of the fucking way.

Today I decided to move out of the fucking way. Bella one, wrecking ball zero.

As I drove home, the top down, as the stars attempted to twinkle in the city lights, I tried to block out the whole day. Kasten Klaibor, talking about how I became a vampire, and what was happening to me currently. I pulled into the garage, mindful of the motorcycle and I was instantly struck with a noise that was very common in my house, yet it didn't make me anymore comfortable.

The sounds of Mirelle and Brant demolishing yet another house with their sexual antics. Christ, if I haven't been through enough already. Carlisle had said something about my powers expanding my powers because of the emotional turmoil of this whole bloody tear business; I concentrated on blocking out Bryant and Mirelle altogether. It didn't work, not fully, but it was like I put headphones over my ears, it effectively muffled out the worst of the noise. I then strained my ears to determine where Dakota was in the house, if he was there at all. I heard him at his turn tables in his room and made my way there.

We were planning to expand our musical range. Our first album was very emotional with a lot of piano. Our second album is a lot more upbeat and rock sounding. We were already putting material together for our third album even though our second was not even out yet. The record company thought it was phenomenal that we were already into the third album, but were concerned that we were slaving ourselves for our music. When you don't sleep, you have a lot of free time on your hands, and eighty or so years of being alone and miserable, and a wide range of other feelings has given me a wealth of material to use. I literally had hundreds of songs I had written waiting for the write music or beat to come my way.

While drumming was something that Dakota had perused in his human life, he had picked up djing and mixing beats as a means to pass the time. I walked into his room without even knocking, as was our custom, and suck into one of his bean bags that littered his room. Freaking hippie. Kota had one large headphone to his ear as his fingers slide back and forth over the record. His hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail at the nape of his neck. He looked up and smiled at me, and kept on working. My eyes slide shut and my toes began to tap to the beat and my mind funneled through my song library. I began to softly hum something that felt right. My eyes opened once more to see Dakota looking at me in approval.

"That sounded pretty good Bells. It's a complete song?"

"Yeah. I wrote it in 2012. I'd say it's done."

"Want to go lay it down?"

"Is that a trick question?" He just laughed and shook his head and followed me to the little recording area we had set up in the music room. It was convenient for us to have a place to record whenever the mood struck us, and for all the days we didn't want to travel in the bright California sun. Dakota came into the room with a disc around his pinky. He went to the booth and inserted the disc into the slot while I went to the microphone. The walls around me were padded to filter out noise. I peeled off the sweater cardigan I was wearing to reveal just a simple black lace edged cami, it was a dance song after all, and I just might just break into awkward dance. Just because I was a vampire now did not make me anymore coordinated than before, much to my chagrin. Dakota did the count for me and I took a large breathe in, even though I technically did not need it. The beginning of the song almost sounded country to me, but it quickly became an upbeat poppy dance song.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

_Rain on the roof. It reminds me of Forks, where I met him. An empty house because Charlie couldn't stand to be around his zombie daughter. _

_As the chorus began, I started to sway my shoulders and let my curly hair whip around my face. It was all truth. I watched him melt into the forest that afternoon, knowing my life would never be the same ever again._

_What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seein' that love in you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken_

_If he only knew how utterly reliant I was one him. I would have walked across glass through a burning building for him. But he did. He left me, and here I am, trying to live the best I can. I'm trying._

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seein' that love in you  
Is what I was tryi'n to do_

_I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seein' that love in you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

The song faded away, but I was pumped. I was ready. I had another one right in the wings waiting. I heard the recording device turn off, so I thought it would be okay to talk.

"Hey, Dakota. Do you have some other beats ready?" He just looked at me and rolled his eyes, as if to say 'Duh!' I stuck my tongue out at him as he showed me clips of some beats, seeing what would fit. The first three didn't work for me, but the forth was a simple bass beat. Not very high tech, and perfect for what I had up my sleeve.

"This one is perfect, let's wrap the one up too!" He nodded and began to set up for the next song. I hear some clicks and then Dakota gave me thumbs up. I waited for the music to start playing.

_I never got to say goodbye  
You must have known I wouldn't stay  
While you were talking about our life  
You killed the beauty of today_

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever never comes around

You never heard me break your heart  
You didn't wake up when we died  
Since I was slowly from the start  
I think the end is mine to write

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever never comes around

People never let go

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever's going to slow you down

You never see me again  
So no ones gonna cry for you  
You never see me again 124  
No matter what you do

You never see me again  
So no ones gonna cry for you

You never see me again  
No matter what you do

Na na na Na na na Na na na Na na na Na na na na na

I never had to say goodbye  
You must have known I wouldn't stay  
While you here talking about our life  
You killed the beauty of today

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever never comes around  
People never let go  
Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever's going to slow you down

You never see me again  
So no ones gonna cry for you  
You never see me again  
No matter what you do

You never see me again  
So no ones gonna cry for you  
You never see me again  
No matter what you do 3:00

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever never comes around  
Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forevers' going to slow you down  
You never see me again

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever never come's around  
You never see me again  
So no ones gonna cry for you  
You never see me again  
No matter what you do

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever never come's around  
You never see me again  
So no ones gonna cry for you  
You never see me again  
No matter what you do

Forever and ever life is now or never  
Forever never com's around  
You never see me again  
So no ones gonna cry for you  
You never see me again  
No matter what you do

When this song ended, I looked up to see Mirelle and Bryant had joined us. I walked to them and kissed both of their foreheads.

"I am so sick of you guys and your kinky shit. Get a room. One that is not anywhere near mine." I smiled and winked.

EPOV

I followed Bella to her house. I couldn't stand to be apart from her any longer. It's been close to eighty years I've lived without her, and another second apart seems to dirty and wasteful. My knees are curled up into my chest and my arms were wrapped around them, my hands clasped together. I heard her sing both of the songs, and as beautiful as her voice was, and how euphoric it made me to hear my Bella, the words cut deep.

I can't believe that I had ever been that naïve to think Bella would just roll over and give up. I knew how much she loved me, hell I know how much I love her. I just don't deserve her. I don't deserve another chance. I was so wrapped up in my one man pity party, I almost didn't hear a sliding door open, and a beautiful angel heave a deep sigh.

"I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me…" I heard her trail off as she began to gently hum the tune. Gradually the tune changed, from an upbeat song, to slow, I wouldn't call it somber, quite the opposite in fact, and it was loving, almost to the point of obsession. I would know that tune from anywhere.

Bella's Lullaby.

Bella was humming my lullaby. It was the first time I had heard it in almost eighty years. I couldn't bring myself to play it, although I thought of it often. She remembered. Had my heart been alive, it would be in my throat at this very moment. I watched as she leaned down and leaned her forearms over the wrought iron of the railing. A breeze blew soft little tendrils of her chocolate hair around her heart shaped face, and I inhaled deeply to catch the fragrant smell of her.

"This is déjà vu-esque, don't you think Edward?" Bella asked me, and here I thought I was being stealthy. I thought she didn't know I was here. I guess I'm still not used to vampire-Bella.

"Huh?" Was all I could come up with. Smooth Cullen, very smooth.

"You were always very good at stalking." I heard no malice in her voice; just a small smirk was that a good sign?

"I beg your pardon?" I was still very confused, I stalked her? When?

"When I was human. You used to wander around my house while I slept before you upgraded to doing B&E's through my window and into my bed."

Oh.

"Oh. Well I wasn't here to stalk, just to listen to your music, it's beautiful by the way, and I accidently over heard Bryant and Mirelle." I cringed. Over the length of our conversation, I had scooted to the edge of the roof on my butt, until my legs dangled off.

"And I don't call it stalking…I call it objective surveillance. " She didn't retort to my last comment, but she did smile. She SMILED! It was the first time I've seen her smile since her birthday party so many years ago. I couldn't even begin to describe the profound effect it had on me. It blossomed on her face like a rose; at first it was tight around the corners like a bud before the sun, but it soon bloomed into a beautiful open smile, when all the petals reach out for the suns praise.

I silently dropped to the landing and copied her position, taking the chance of talking to her, as our pointless banter was a good sign, I thought. But I had a question, and I feared that there would never be a right time for it.

"You remembered?" It was all I needed to ask for her to understand.

"Of course, how could I forget my lullaby Edward? It is, still to this day the most beautiful thing ever written."

BPOV

How could I have said something so stupid to him? Sure, it was true, but to say it out loud? Was I really that much of an emotional sadist as well as a masochist? Wait, sadist? No, sadists like to inflict pain on others. Edward is a sadist. He tortured me with his velvet smooth voice and his razorblade words that day. Telling me of his distractions, and how he would eventually forget me, like I him. Yeah, right! I bled for him, alone and unwanted. Even thought I did not need to breathe in oxygen, I found breathing an easy way to distract myself, to calm myself.

"Are you alright Bella?" Velvet Suicide asked me.

"Sure. Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I be? I have everything I could ever want. I have boat loads of money. I have adoring fans. I have Bryant, Mirelle and Dakota. I have cars and motorcycles. I HAVE EVERYTHING A GIRL COULD EVER FUCKING ASK FOR EDWARD! No! Of course I'm not 'alright'! I'm miserable. I'm alone and it kills me. Do you know how many times I wish that Victoria had had the decency to just feast on me and leave me dead? How many of my endless days I have prayed for salvation, or death?" He stared at me, mouth agape. He was probably expecting a 'Yeah.' Or something like that. He was not expecting the rant, well hell, neither was I.

"Bella," he said, "I, I thought I was doing the right thing…"

"The right thing? The right thing Edward? The right thing would have been to change me after Jasper slipped up. The right thing would have been to stay and make sure Victoria didn't get me. The right thing would have been to tell me if you didn't love me anymore. It was never the right thing to leave me, and I know your whole family agrees with me. It was the easy way out. It was the coward's way out. And you know what really kills me? I think the real reason I stated A Beautiful Nightmare was not to punish you for your sins, but to find you. Because I _wanted_ to find you. Because I _needed_ to find you. Silly to want and need you when you didn't want or need me. God, I'm a fucking idiot." I turned to walk inside my room, but his vice like fingers wrapped around my wrist and spun me around.

"Bella that day was by far the worst of my life. I lied through my teeth. I thought leaving you was the best thing for you, not for me! I figured you would eventually forget me and go on to lead a happy fulfilling human life, something you deserved. But I have never, not even for a second have I ever stopped loving you. I told you one day that you are my life now and it still rings true today. You are ingrained into my heart, my soul, my very being. I see a human blush and I think of my Bella. I see long curly brown hair and I think of my Bella. I see any human who trips on something and think of my klutzy Bella. I have never stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you. I realized a long time ago that it was not the right thing, but love makes you do stupid things. I may have been a one hundred and six year old vampire, but around you, I was just a scared seventeen year old boy, scared for the only person I have ever loved outside of my parents. So please, even if you think I lied to you, know that I never lied about that. I loved you then, and I still love you Isabella Marie Swan."

With that he released my wrist and for a brief second I thought he was letting me go, however he then ran his fingers through my hair till they got tangled in my curls. He then slid his fingers to cup the back of my neck and pulled me forward until his lips met mine.

Before his lips used to feel icy cold and unyielding touching my warmer malleable ones, and it was always so hesitant. But this time, they felt just right caressing mine, firm and just the right temperature. They were assertive and not gentle in the slightest. His lips forced mine open and the tip of his tongue ran across my teeth.

This is what I had been waiting for. For eighty years, my lips have waited for their mates to find them once more. It reminded me of my favorite passage from Romeo and Juliet.

_**Romeo**__: If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.  
__**Juliet**__**:**__ Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.  
__**Romeo**__**: **__Have not saint's lips, and holy palmers, too?  
__**Juliet**__**:**__ Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.  
__**Romeo**__**:**__ Well, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.  
__**Juliet**__**:**__ Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.  
__**Romeo**__**: **__Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.  
__**Romeo**__**: **__[__They kiss__] Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.  
__**Juliet**__**: **__Then have my lips the sin that they have took?  
__**Romeo**__**:**__ Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.  
__**Juliet**__**:**__ [__they kiss again__] You kiss by the book._

I do feel free from sin, purged in tender grace. But this was false faith. I could not believe a word from his holy pilgrim lips. Lips that he himself said spoke blasphemy. I took my fingers from Edward's hair. When had they gotten there? I couldn't even remember but I released the bronze silk and pressed my hands to his chest. I think he thought that I was about to initiate more, because I both felt and heard the lusty growl issue from his chest as he pulled me closer. I pushed harder so he would get my meaning.

His eyelids opened and his were glazed over. His eyebrows were knitted in confusion.

"What is it love?"

"That. Just that right there. I'm not your love. I can't do this. I can't allow myself to fall for you again for you to just leave me again. I'm just not strong enough for it. What about Tanya?"

"What about Tanya?" He asked, confused.

"She's your distraction, was she not? I was just a distraction. I deserve to be more than a distraction. Go back to Tanya. I can't do this."

"But Bella, you are what I want. You were never a distraction, not even for a second. I told you. It's always been you that I have loved."

"Real life does not afford for princesses and knights in shining armor and white horses Edward. I fell for that once already as a simple naïve human. I know better now." With that I walked into my room and slide the door shut, and I locked it. I knew a simple lock would not keep Edward out, but it was all about the meaning. He saw me lock that lock, and knew that our conversation was over. I pulled the drapery over the glass and walked to the ottoman of my chaise lounge. I grabbed my acoustic and strummed the shiny strings. I had had this guitar composition for years now, but had yet to find lyrics in the labyrinth of my mind. But tonight, the words slipped from my mouth as my fingers plucked the strings.

_Say you're sorry  
That face of an angel comes out  
Just when you need it to  
As I pace back and forth all this time  
'Cause  
I honestly believed in you  
Holding on,  
The days drag on  
Stupid girl  
I should have known, I should have known_

That I'm not a princess  
This ain't a fairytale  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood,  
This is a small town  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down  
Now it's too late for you and your White Horse,  
To come around.

Maybe I was naïve,  
Got lost in your eyes  
I never really had a chance.  
I had so many dreams about you and me.  
Happy endings;  
Now I know

I'm not a princess  
This ain't a fairytale  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood,  
This is a small town  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down  
Now it's too late for you and your White Horse,  
To come around.

And there you are on your knees  
Begging for forgiveness,  
Begging for me  
Just like I always wanted,  
But I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess  
This ain't a fairytale  
I'm gonna find someone, Some day  
Who might actually treat me well.  
This is a big world,  
That was a small town  
There in my rearview mirror,  
Disappearing now.  
And it's too late for you and your White Horse  
Now it's too late for you and your White Horse  
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh  
Try and catch me now  
Whoa-Oh  
It's too late  
To catch me now.

I heard some shuffling at the entrance to my room and looked up to see Dakota looking contemplative.

"You know Bella, I could do that. I could be that someone someday that WILL treat you well."

TPOV

I was so sick of the Cullen's loving Bella so much. Before last week they were still grieving for her 'death'. If only this Victoria woman had just killed the bitch. Would it have been so hard? It would have been better for everyone. I'll make it happen though, when she least expects it. 1-2 Someone's coming for you. 3-4 better lock your door 5-6 grab your crucifix, 7-8 stay up late, 9-10 NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!

**AN- So I know that this is super short, but this one was all about plot set up. Good things are headed your way! And I am also so sorry about getting it out late, and I really have no excuse outside of writers block. But I think I found my way back in. I hope you like it and hate me! Sorry for the drama or whatever you want to call it, but we finally got Edward and Bella talking like humans. Hahaha. And they kissed. I know it was not the kind of kiss everyone wanted, be we have to start somewhere! They are not just going to fall into bed together. I hope to hear from you guys! 3 j.**


	6. Everyone Has A Freaking Opinion

**AN: Hoooooooly crap! It's been so long. Gordie, my laptop died, and with his tragic death all of my notes and other chapters. It took forever for it to get fixed! So there are NO songs in this chapter, except for Dumbward's flashback. There is a little bit of everyone in this chapter, and I really enjoyed getting this one out. So I realized that I had to get this chapter out today, cause then it will be a present for me, as it is my 20****th**** birthday. All together now….YAY! Hope you all enjoy it, I know it's short, but it's betta than nothing, right?**

EPOV

When my lips brushed hers, it felt like coming home. It felt so right, like nothing had changed at all. Like there wasn't eighty years of blanks in between our last kisses. Her lips may not be as soft and as yielding as they once were, nor were they as warm, but they were Bella. Bella's lips on mine. I pulled her close to me, and I rejoiced. Edward The Monster and Edward The Man butted heads for control, because neither had to be in control anymore. I wanted her. Badly.

Having her tell me it was my entire fault was very painful. I knew it was my fault, but to have heard her yell at me was a shock. The Bella I knew would never have yelled like t hat. Who was this strong courageous in your face Bella? This tough as nails vengeful Bella? I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but this Bella was quite a turn on for some reason. I never wanted to leave this Bella. She could never leave the circle of my arms. This is where she belonged.

The suddenly, she turned on her heel and went into the house. She closed the door and locked it, and swung the drapery over it. She did not want me coming in. She knew a simple lock would not keep me out, but doing the motions of it was enough symbolism for me. I heard the strings of her guitar begin and I had a distinct and terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me she wanted me to hear this.

_Baby I was naíve,  
Got lost in your eyes  
I never really had a chance,  
I had so many dreams about you and me.  
Happy endings  
Now I know_

I'm not a princess  
This ain't a fairytale  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood,  
This is a small town  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down  
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,  
To come around.

The song tore at me. All of it. Every word. Both those parts reached out and smacked me in the face. I went to both of her shows. I heard her on the radio, but this was different. I was mere feet from her; I could hear her fingers slide and pluck over the strings. I could feel the vibrations of the strings run through me, cutting me every time. Was I strong enough to survive the struggle ahead of me to have Bella's heart once again?

JPOV

I watched Alice pace back and forth in anger. I was fearful that she was going to actually run through the floor and fall through into the rooms below us.

"Alice, please sit down, before you harm the suite irreversibly." She did not even acknowledge my words; even though there was no way she had not heard me. "Alice? Alice. Alice! ALICE!"

"What Jazz?" she asked, finally snapping out of her block.

"I said; sit down before you run through the floor."

"Oh. Oh, you're right Jazzy." She turned her body to the couch where I sat, but before she could move two steps, she froze and her eyes clouded over.

She was having a vision.

APOV

"I said; sit down before you run through the floor."

I hadn't even realized that I was pacing. I had been trying to calm myself so I didn't kill Edward when he came through the door of our hotel suite. He decided to follow Bella home, and he had not decided it until it was too late for me to stop his stupid ignorant ass. I could not believe he was so inconsiderate and stupid! She was not going to take his advances well.

It was his own stupid fucking fault.

Oh well. Sorry Eddie…not.

I told Jasper he was right and turned to make my way towards and his comforting arms. Before I could do much of anything, I felt a vision come on. It crept up from my feet freezing my limbs as it went. Crawling up my chest, it stole the breath from my useless lungs, and then proceeded to cover my eyes with a film.

The last thing I thought before the vision was how much visions bothered me. It was like watching a television I could not pause. Someone else had the remote and was fast forwarding with my consent.

What could happen now?

AVPOV (Alice's' Vision Point of View)

Bella lay quietly in her bedroom. Her eyes were closed, her black lashes splashed across her deathly pale face. The violent purple under her eyes spread to almost the end of her nose. Her chest rose and fell…_was she sleeping?!? _ I couldn't use my vampire senses, but if I had to guess, I would say her heart was beating, but slowly.

Her body was wrapped up tightly in sheet, like a cocoon, or a burrito. Her head thrashed from side to side, and her lips parted. Almost like in her human life, when she would talk in her sleep. Something we all found so endearing.

"I'm sorry! For everything! Edward I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, please don't leave me! Not like this, please, no!"

A pain rippled through me like no other emotion or feeling had before. She was alone, in what I could only assume was her bedroom. He breath started to hitch, and it sounded like she was about to hyperventilate.

I reached her in slow motion, similar to those dreams humans had about running from or to something, and feeling like I'd never reach her.

Finally, though I did reach her bedside, and my wintery hand went to her dewy forehead. My palm scorched at the heat. I had felt Bella's skin as a human, but I was not prepared for this heat.

Poor Bella! I could do nothing to help her. As if she could hear me, she began to cry. Cry. Cry? I mean with tears. Clear crystalline salty tears. I began screaming. Screaming for Carlisle, Edward, Jasper. I shock Bella's fragile shoulders, hoping to wake her up. The delicate heart gave one wet spongy pump…and then stopped. Did Bella just…die? Could she? Why was I seeing her human? I was so very confused and upset. I hands flew to my head and pulled at my short hair as I screamed uncontrollably.

APOV

I was shaken out of my vision. THAT had never happened either. I usually eased out it, blinked to clear my mind so I could tell my family what I had seen. I was sprawled on the floor, my back to Jasper's chest as he held me, his hands caressing my face. My entire family excluding Bella surrounded me with very grim worried expressions.

Oh my god! Bella!

"Are you alright Alice? I have only seen violent shaking like that with humans that have seizures and Epilepsy. What did you see?" Carlisle asked me, very worried.

I opened my mouth to try and start, but Edward interrupted me, falling to his knees.

"Alice, please. You kept screaming 'No Bella, no!' Then, you were yelling for Carlisle, Jasper and myself. Please, tell me what you saw!" He pleaded, hands in his hair, as if he wanted to tear it out. It made me think back to my vision when I had made a similar movement.

I was yelling out? That had never happened either, neither had the thrashing. What was happening to me? I looked up worried eyes zoomed to Carlisle. He too, looked frightened and concerned. None of this had ever happened before and it was all very disconcerting.

Edward was probing my mind looking for the answers to the questions that I was having trouble answering. Even though I was frightened and scatter-brained, I could still block Edward from the scarier parts of my vision. All he saw was Bella sleeping.

"Alice, I swear to god, if you don't tell me what's going on with Bella, So help me, you'll regret it!" Edward growled. I inhaled, not for the oxygen but to clear my head.

"I know what I saw, but I do not understand it. I would like to talk to Carlisle before I talk to everyone. I'm really not even sure what I saw can actually happen. I saw Edward beginning to adamantly object, but Carlisle interrupted him.

"Alice, I think that is an excellent idea. Don't get jumpy Edward. It would be impossible for Alice to properly explain to us if she does not understand her vision. Come on Alice."

I quickly followed Carlisle to his study, feeling very much like a coward, and also very aware that there were five pairs of eyes staring intently at my head, one of which I was trying to make my head explode.

Gee thanks Edward.

CPOV

I stared at my dark haired daughter and I wondered what was has her so spooked. Usually, Alice has a very stable head on her shoulders, even though she was rather excitable.

"What did you really see Alice?" I stared around the room wondering why we were here; the family could still hear us as if we were in the same room as them sitting on their laps. Carlisle smirked at me, and opened the balcony door, and jumped up to the roof. Excellent. I walked to t he balcony, turn towards the room, bent my knees and jumped three floors up.

"Now Alice, what did you see?"

"I know what I saw Carlisle, but I don't see it happening, or how it makes sense! There is just no way for what I saw to actually come true!" Really? That's interesting.

"Just tell me Alice." I said.

"I saw…Bella sleeping Carlisle. Actually sleeping. I heard, I FELT her heart beating, soft and wet, and then I felt it fail. I heard her heart give one final pump and die! Carlisle, I saw an immortal die. How is that even possible?"

I couldn't do anything more than stare at Alice. I was gob smacked. I tried to handle it well, and act as if I was not concerned, but I think I failed. There was nothing I could say to make the situation better. So I just tried for the obvious.

"This really doesn't answer anything; it only brings about more questions. The biggest question I have is; what do we do now?"

APOV

This isn't good. Carlisle knows everything. If he doesn't know the answer, we are so screwed.

EPOV

I am currently going crazy. When Carlisle and Alice left, I wanted nothing more than to follow them and make them tell me what the hell is going on. If it's about My Bella, I HAVE to know. I heard Carlisle what she really saw, and then nothing. I searched for their minds. Carlisle was performing a challenging operation blindfolded, and Alice was running through fashion magazines, choosing items she was going to buy on Rodeo Drive.

Having searched for Alice and Carlisle, my mind also sought out the rest of my family.

"_Poor Edward. My son is so lost. Not blood of my blood, but heart of my heart. I would make me so happy to have our family complete once more. We have been broken for so long…but how? So much has happened. W have hurt Bella so horribly." _ Esme, kind as ever.

_It would be sooo cool to get Bella back. I miss my klutzy little sister…well she isn't so klutzy anymore, but I miss her smile. And how nice and gentle she was. She seems angry now, more volatile. Probably has to do with Edward and the family leaving. I said it would be a bad idea from the word go… _Sometimes Emmett could be so plain, but he just got to the point.

"_Everyone's feelings are so haywire, so confusing. That first night we saw Bella, I felt so much anger and hurt radiating through her. And for her to tell me that I was raping her mind! Bella has changed; the old Bella would never have said that. This is entirely our fault." _ Jasper always knew what to say or think that made me feel like a huge ass.

"_I wasn't nice to Bella before, but not even I would have wished any of this on her. Now, knowing what did happen, it makes me sick. I could have never of left Emmett. This isn't the live I would have chosen, but he makes it worthwhile. The big question is; did Edward leave because he feared for fragile Bella's safety, or did he leave because he is scared? Did he ever love her at all? I wonder if Bella is with that Dakota guy. I hope he makes her happy…" _ I really really hate Rose.

Everyone has a fucking opinion. Great. Thanks family. I had started pacing as Emmett started thinking; in the same place Alice had had her vision.

I figured the conversation between Carlisle and Alice ended, because I could hear Alice start down the hallway. To keep me from her thoughts, she was singing a song that came out when Bella was alive.

"Well ?" I asked, with a definite bite in my voice.

"Alice saw something that does not logically make any sense. Tell me Edward, how do you explain something you do not understand?" Carlisle threw back at me, which just had the tiniest bit of venom slipping from his lips.

"I am not belittling your gift Alice, but your job is not to interpret what you see, it's to just say what you saw!" I yelled in her face. Alice's eyes clouded over with rage and an infuriated little growl issued from her chest.

"You really want to know what I saw Edward? I saw Bella DEAD! Not with torn limbs and fire, but her beating heart failing her! Bella is turning back. She's becoming mortal again, and you know what else? It has something to do with this stupid Bloody Tear shit! That makes it your fault! You just keep destroying her. Over and over again. She's dying and once again her blood is on your hands. I'm through with you Edward. I wash my hands of you!"

With that Alice dusted off her shoulders, even though there was absolutely no dust or lint on her, and walked out the door of the hotel suite. Only our sensitive hearing could pick up what Alice said as the elevator doors closed.

"This is the second time you will be killing her Edward. If this actually happens and come to fruition, I will rip you limb from fucking limb myself. Count on it."

BPOV

I wasn't sure what I was going to do with Dakota. I mean, I love him, but not in the way he wants. I could never feel more for him than I do right now, my shattered heart could not manage it. He deserves to much more. So much more than I would or could give him, but anything I say will hurt him. I am so fucked.

I danced around what Dakota had said and we had a short jam session. I told him I was going to my room; I just wanted to lie down. He looked at me very confused like, and I told him that after everything that had happened in the last few days, I was feeling a little brain drain.

As I walked to my room, I thought about the validity of that statement. True, yes, my brain was the consistency of tapioca, but my eyelids felt heavy and the unnecessary blinking was almost becoming necessary.

What the fuck was happening to me? I felt about ready to pass out.

As I turned the corner and entered the door to my room I shrugged out of the simple black cardigan I had put on before leaving the room, over my head, and as my hair settled, I saw Alice Cullen settled perfectly on my bed, sitting Indian style and flipping through this month's issue of _Vogue._ She looked up as I brushed the hair away from my forehead.

"Hi Bella." She said, and smiled benignly, the moonlight winking off her teeth. Like we had talked like this, like sisters every night since 2007.

"Uh, hi Alice."

"You probably want to know what I'm doing here."

"Um, yeah, that is the top question on my list."

"Edward is an idiot."

"I've thought that for years." She laughed and it sounded like tinkling bells. I missed that. A lot. I couldn't help but smile a small smile. "So what are you really doing here Alice?"

"Do you trust me Bella? Don't answer that, you shouldn't trust me, but do you trust my visions?"

"Yes." I said immediately and without any hesitation. She smiled, very relieved and immensely relieved.

"Then please hear me out, and listen, really listen before you freak out, okay? " I nodded my head in understanding. "Bella I don't know how, or why this is happening to you. You don't deserve any of this and I am just so sorry…" She prattled off, her shoulders started to shake and she began to dry sob.

"Alice! What's wrong?" I exclaimed, alarmed. By this time Mirelle, Bryant and Dakota had come to my door, unsure of what to do. I waved them off as I gathered the tiny pixie into my arms, not unlike Mirelle had done for me a short time ago. "Alice, please tell me!"

"I never wanted to leave Bella, never! I fought it tooth and nail. You were my best friend, my sister, and I know it killed you. You hate us…hate me, and I don't blame you! I am so so sorry Bella!"

I sat numbly as Alice sobbed out the pain she had held on and kept inside for close to eighty years. I held her close to my breast, again like Miry did, like a mother would do to comfort a small child. I was so absorbed in having my Alice close again I didn't even noticed that she gasped and pulled herself away from me and out of my arms.

"Oh my god, no. It's all too fast. It's happening to fast. We need more time. I can't believe I can already hear it. " Alice uttered in horror. Before I could ask what was wrong, Mirelle spoke up.

"What in the hell is THAT Alice?" I swiveled my head and looked down at her.

"Alice?" I asked, my voice soft and hurt, my eyes hooded with years of pain that this family, one that somewhere not so deep down I loved, and one that had hurt me so much. Alice sighed heavily, and sat once again, Indian style on my bed.

"I'm not exactly sure what's going on, so it's hard to explain—."

"Try." Kota barked, speaking up for the first time, his arms were folded, eyes angry.

"Dakota, stop. Alice is trying. I have never seen her unable to explain something that has happened in her mind. Alice knows all." She smiled at me gratefully and took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

"As I was saying, I'm not exactly sure what's going on, so it's hard to explain, because I don't really know what happening to you."

"To me?" I asked, confused. Her eyes fogged over with concern.

"Yes, to you Bella. I had a vision, and it confused me. I talked to Carlisle about it, and he also was perplexed, and is looking into it, and researching it but—."

"Alice, just fucking tell me." I butted in.

"I saw you die Bella. Not with ripped limbs and being burned, but in this very room, while you slept, your heart was beating and then slowly it started struggling, and then it gave out. I saw you as a human Bella. I just don't know what is going on, but Bella, something is happening to you, it's already started, and it's going to kill you."

CPOV

I sat at my desk for a long time contemplating what my next would step would be concerning Bella. Alice's vision was very disturbing. As if she had not gone through enough because of us, what was next? Death? I never thought it was possible for our kind to die outside of being burned alive. Who was I kidding? I was in no place to make a decision concerning this issue. I have absolutely no idea what was going on. I have never seen anything like this, I was very out of my element, and this bothered me greatly. To get any answers, I would have to call in a favor, and I hope that Bella will be okay with that.

I pulled my cell phone out, once again thankful that I was alone. Jasper, Emmett and Rose were out hunting, Esme was down in the ballroom attending an interior design seminar, and Alice was with Bella, I was sure of it. She had gotten into contact with me to say that she had booked Jasper and herself another room within the hotel, because she needed time to calm down before she actually hurt Edward. Edward, oh Edward. He was probably sitting on the roof of Bella's home listening like a peeping tom again.

I dialed a number I've known since the conception of the telephone, but have never wanted or needed the people on the other side of the line…until now. A young woman answered and bullshitted on about their cover story.

"Gianna, my name is Carlisle Cullen, I need to speak to with Aro. Now."

EPOV

I sat silently on Bella's roof once again listening to her, but I would rather her sing beautiful songs about hating me any over her current confused agony.

"Something is happening to you Bella, and it's going to kill you."

"What? What are you talking about Alice? I'm pretty sure I died already."

"Bella honey, you're becoming human again, slowly and painfully. I don't know why, neither does Carlisle, he's actually looking into it right now, but our educated guess is that it has something to do with your crying blood…it has to be, because this shouldn't be possible."

"Fucking Edward Cullen." Dakota barked. "Let me fucking at him, then he'll fucking know the fucking meaning of pain."

_Unlikely. _ I thought.

I've been in pain most of my existence and it has just got worse since I left Bella, and thought I had lost her.

"Dakota, you are not really helping the situation. Could you shut your huge mouth for five minutes? No one can think or speak over you being an asshole." Bryant quipped at him. Dakota gripped and grumbled but shut up. Apparently, Bryant was the leader of their coven.

"We all care and love Bella, Kota." Mirelle murmured to him, and must have made a motion for Alice to continue.

"My _idiot_ brother does not know how to handle this situation, and he is handling it all wrong, but he does love you."

_THANK YOU ALICE! ALL IS FORGIVEN WONDERFUL SISTER OF MINE!_

"I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a total freaking dunderbutt, but he does love you."

Gee Thanks Alice.

"I've never seen another being in more pain over something he caused. Bella, he left you, yes he left you for all the wrong reasons, yes he should have stayed, and yes he hurt you, most grievously. But, please, remember, he hurt himself too."

Yes it was true, I left for all the wrong reasons, that I thought at the time were right, and the best for Bella's interest. I only wanted to protect her from the seedy underbelly of my existence, even though I was the one to pull her into it in the first place. It seems that even with my departure from her life, it was still able to creep in and hurt her. I should have never of left, I could have protected her from this, but I failed her once again. I disgusted myself.

I was so lost in my own self loathing that it was not until this exact moment I heard it; _lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub._ Something I had missed for so many years. I would know that sound anywhere. It was not as fast as it used to be, as it should be. But I could hear it across the world if I had too.

Bella's beautiful heart beating.

Music to my ears. To think that I ever thought this beautiful creature had died. Alice was right, I am an idiot. Somehow, I was going to make this better, make it right again. I don't care if it took one hundred years I would make Bella better, and make her love me again. I would get her to trust me again. We would both be whole again. I would make this right, come hell or high water.

I just never knew that the odds were so against us.

**AN: Sorry there are so many errors; I really really wanted to get this chapter out to everyone. I would really love a beta, so if anyone is interested, please, hit me up! Again, I see the errors, but please ignore them, and just enjoy the story; it's hard to look at the same words over and over again, because after a while, it just looks right to me. But hey, Beta? Yes? I promise it won't take this long to get another chapter up, school is sooooooooooooo close to being done, so I will have more time to write**!


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